Hapi, Yet Also Slightly Horrifying, Love
by RunwithscissorsXXXbattlescars
Summary: A sweet and kind-hearted, though suspicious, Keronian girl introduces herself to the platoon one day. She seems to be too good to be true until the platoon realizes the horrifying truth… that this Keronian… is Kululu's… girlfriend…? *DISCONTINUED*
1. Kululu Presents: I Ran Out of Room

**Oh ho ho, did you think only you guys could set Kululu up with a bunch of Keronian girls? Fine. Two can play at this game. Feel the wrath of a fangirl!**

***flicks fireball at butterfly***

**Uh. That was pathetic. Pretend you saw nothing, 'kay?**

**Anyway, this was not based off ZanyAnimeGirl's story. I don't own Keroro Gunso, either. Because if I did, EVERYTHING WOULD BE OOC. _EVERYTHING._**

* * *

It was a hot summer night. A REALLY hot night. At 87 degrees Fahrenheit, crickets chirped and the air was filled with a sticky humidity that would be dangerous if a certain green space frog happened to set foot into the outdoors that night. Natsumi and Fuyuki Hinata couldn't stand the heat. There they laid, on top of the roof, staring at the jet-black sky.

Fuyuki yawned and gave a small stretch. How late was it? He didn't remember. Well, whatever the time was, it was still plenty hot. He wondered when it would be morning. "Aw, dangit. I thought we could escape the heat if we went up here, but it only seems to be hotter."

"Don't you know heat rises, Fuyuki?" Natsumi rolled over on the red roof top onto her stomach. Good old red roof. Lucky thing it wasn't black, or else it would be a whole lot hotter. Fuyuki tapped her on the shoulder and she rolled back over.

"Look, sis!" he said, pointing to the streaks of white against the dark blue of the night sky. "Shooting stars!"

"Wow… how pretty," she breathed. They moved so gracefully, like what she assumed would be a mix between bullets shooting from a gun and tadpoles—REAL ones—swimming across a pond. And just watching them was a rare moment that had to be shared with someone, even if that someone was her brother. She'd just have to make do. "And so many tonight. Why do you think that is—Whoops. Never mind. You being you, you'll just—"

She had stopped herself too late. That gleam had already taken over Fuyuki's eyes, which dripped with excitement, at the same time labeling him as _dork_. "I bet it's some paranormal phenomenon!"

"Um… nnooooo, it's not. It's just normal. Shooting. Stars."

Fuyuki pouted and looked back to the sky. "Do you ALWAYS have to be a killjoy, sis?"

"Yup." Natsumi smirked. Just then, a terrifying sound rippled through the sky, destroying the brief moment of tranquility.

Fuyuki frowned. "Was that thunder? On a hot day like this?"

"Nah, it couldn't be. Must have been your imagination," she said.

"Oh." He shut his eyes, trying to rest. Natsumi saw this as a good opportunity to get some sleep herself. And then, as they slowly drifted off into the land of drowsiness, they almost heard a girl yell, "I hit you!"

And then they slid off the roof.

Probably. Because only an idiot would try to sleep on a place so precariously high.

* * *

"Ku ku ku. Oh, so you've returned? I was wondering what took you so long." Kululu put down his flame torch, which he had been using to make some minor adjustments to the new ray gun. He picked up a small stick-thing with a ball on the end and tampered some more with the device.

"Yup! All in a day's work!" She leaned over his shoulder. "Watcha makin'?"

"You'll see~," he said. "Almost done anyway. Ku ku ku. You wanna be a test subject?"

The girl clapped her hands together. "Yay! Victim!"

"Okay, stand riiiiight… heeere." He positioned her into place and pulled the trigger.

"AAAAAAHH—!"

"KUUUU~, ku ku ku kuku!"

And then it all faded to black….

* * *

Keroro woke up groggily the next morning in bed. As usual. Honestly, who WOULDN'T wake up in their own bed?

The answer was Fuyuki and Natsumi. They had both awoken that morning, not in their own beds, but instead on a strange, red cloth with something moaning under them as—

"Oh, no!" Natsumi groaned. "Fuyuki, I _told_ you that sleeping on the roof would be a bad idea!" She gestured to the top of the house. "We fell off!"

"Whoops," was all Fuyuki said. He quickly stood up and stepped off the red cloth structure. Strangely, it looked rather familiar…. He rubbed the back of his neck in awkwardness. _Crap, that was the Corporal's tent…. Hope there's no hard feelings._ He glanced at his older sister, who had accidentally fallen back asleep. And she called HIM lazy. _I'll just leave and pretend that she was the only one there…. That way, the Corporal won't be as angry._ He slowly crept away and went into the house to dress. Good thing it wasn't a school day or anything, otherwise he'd already have been late.

"Oh, hey, Sarge," the boy called as he saw Keroro wandering around with an apron and a rice bag. "Making breakfast?"

"Yup!" he said. He put the bag down and quickly rinsed his hands in a sink. "Fuyuki-dono! Why were you not in your room last night?"

"Oh, sis and I decided to sleep on the roof because it was so hot," he explained. "We saw so many stars!" He thought a moment. "And a helicopter, too…."

_Meanwhile, a blue-haired rich girl summoned her butler. "Paul! Did you get them?"_

_He handed her the photos. "Yes, Mistress Momoka. The Mission: Get Pictures of Fuyuki Sleeping On A Roof was a success."_

"_Yesss!" Momoka drooled and pressed the photos to her chest in delight. "I got pictures of Fuyuki-kun sleeping without even HAVING to sneak into his house at night!"_

Fuyuki sneezed. "But I haven't the darndest guess as to why the helicopter was there."

"Oh." Keroro was silent for a moment, knowing instantly what the answer was behind the whole helicopter think. Not like Fuyuki would ever put two and two together, with that dense brain of his and all. "Well, you have fun eating breakfast, Fuyuki-dono! I have to meet with my platoon for an early meeting today."

"Okay!" He waved as Keroro started leaving. "Have fun, Sarge! Just don't take over the planet or anything."

"We will!" he called back.

Fuyuki laughed. "The Sarge can be so funny…."

Keroro opened the door to his base and went inside. Tamama and Kululu were the first ones there. (No one acknowledged the other one.) Though oddly enough, Giroro had not yet arrived….

"Where is the Corporal?" asked Keroro as he stepped up to his podium. As if on cue, Giroro threw aside the door and walked in, his limbs covered in casts, and his face in bandages.

"Urg… sorry for the delay, Sergeant. I feel as if someone crushed me in my sleep or something," he said.

Keroro put a hand to his chin and thought as two and two were put together. In his mind, Fuyuki and Natsumi would be asleep on the roof, and slowly slip off onto Giroro's tent (which was located directly under them). He grinned, thinking of people in pain.

"Wait a minute…" The grin turned into a frown. "…someone's missing! We can't start the meeting without this person!"

He pointed at Dororo. "Dororo, my man! There you are! I thought you'd abandoned us or something. Now, to start the meeting!"

Dororo started sputtering. "K-K-K-K-K-K-K-Keroro-kun, y-you remembered m-me? Even though I was the first one here anyway?"

"I will pretend I did not hear that," said Keroro. He gathered his papers and looked to the platoon with beaming eyes. "Anyway, Platoon. It seems that today, we will not be able to plan an invasion scheme."

"Ehh—?" said Tamama.

"Because," he continued, "I have recently received a transmission from headquarters. This recording will replay what they told me." He pressed a button on the podium and the sound of headquarters' familiar static enveloped the halls.

"Attention, Keroro Platoon. We will be sending down a new recruit to monitor the progress of your invasion. Failure to comply will result in a docking of your pay-check and possibly a brief court-martialing. It is requested that you treat Private First Class Hapipi with the same respect that you would give to your other, more bluish, canon-fodder, Private Second Class Tamama. Over and out."

Kululu smirked. _So, the transmission came through. Seems those voice-changing bowties came in handy after all._

"S-Sergeant Major? Why are you grinning like that?" said Keroro, intimidated.

He crossed his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. "Oh, nothing.~ That name just sounds familiar to me, that's all. Well, you have fun building your Gunpla. I'm going to go wait outside to greet this… new recruit. Ku ku ku. See ya."

They could merely watch in shock as he began to leave the room. Keroro's "special" senses kicked back as Kululu's hand touched the door handle.

"WaitwaitwaitwaitwaitWAIT!" Kululu looked back at him. "Let us come with you! Surely we should greet this girl as well, right…?"

"Ku ku…" He seemed to consider for a moment. "…nah. Better you not screw this up."

They came anyway, trailing behind the unwilling Sergeant Major as he waited in the backyard for the space ship to land on its usual landing spot. The tent.

"Hey! That's just not fair!" Giroro protested.

It was already too late. There it was, streaking down from the sky like a shooting star. It penetrated the ground, creating a crater in the spot the red corporal used to live. He moaned in despair.

The rest of the platoon, however, watched intently as the hatch to the space pod unlatched and burst open. Smoke billowed out, followed by the silhouette of a Keronian. As she stepped into the light and waved, all but one gasped.

Right in front of them stood waving the most beautiful Keronian most of them had ever seen in any of their lives. Or in their only life, considering they never had any others. A purple hat donned her head. Her skin, soft and sleek, was the color of the finest sterling silver. Staring back at the platoon were two precious amber orbs, and when the light hit it, it was as if she saw with two suns.

"Hello!" said the female Keronian. "My name is Private First Class Hapipi, and I'll be here awhile to monitor your progress on the invasion! So get used to me!" She saluted them.

_Wow, she's actually… kind of pretty,_ thought Keroro.

Tamama looked over at her as well. _She seems so nice and sweet. Maybe… we can be friends?_

_New friend! New friend! Maybe she'll remember me!_ hoped Dororo.

Giroro only crossed his arms over his chest. _Peh. Let's see what she can do._

_KU KU KU,_ Kululu thought. _Um… well. She is… I never thought… that is to say—er—think, she is incredibly… attra—_

"Gero? Sergeant Major, you're losing your yellow!" Keroro noticed. Tamama, Giroro, and Dororo all turned to him, and at once the redness on his face subsided to his usual healthy complexion of yellow. Hapipi turned to him as well and her eyes lit up in delight.

"Could that be—? No way." She smiled brightly, similar to the 'brightly' implication a star would have been thought to give off. "KULULU!" The Keronian girl ran up to him and flung her arms around the Sergeant Major. "Oh, I heard the rumors, but I didn't know it was true! Why didn't you tell me that you were in the Keroro Platoon? You should have called me or something! Did you have _any_ idea how _lonely_ I was while you were gone?"

"Ku ku ku. Yes. Yes, I do," he stated simply.

She nuzzled her face into Kululu's chest (which was an amazing feat, taking Keronian proportions into consideration) and gave a small squeal of joy. A chill went up Kululu's spine. _Tingly…ness… feeling all weird… must…_ His hands trembled above her back. _…defy… weirdness… but… still… going all… beserk and… ACK. To heck with this._ He gave in and put his arms around her. "Ku ku ku. It's nice to see you again too, Hapipi."

"Um… Sergeant Major, do you _know_ this girl?" asked Keroro. They were way too close for any two people that had just met, ESPECIALLY for someone as anti-social and ugly as Kululu.

"Ku ku ku. Oh, right. You don't know. How embarrassing." Kululu turned around to face him, at the same time holding Hapipi's hand. "I guess I probably should give you all a proper introduction. Ku ku ku. Platoon, meet Private First Class Hapipi…"

"Hi!" she said.

"…my girlfriend."


	2. Kululus Don't Have Feelings

What.

The.

FROG.

That's what the rest of the platoon would think, had they been capable of processing any thoughts. However, for the moment they were occupied with staring in disbelief with their mouths wide open. Even Dororo, who wore a mask, was gaping.

"Ku ku ku. What? Don't believe me?" asked Kululu, almost sounding ticked off. "Is it really that shocking to hear that one of your teammates used to date before he met you?"

"B-but y-you…" Keroro's finger raised into the air and pointed itself at Kululu. "N-no one would ever date you!"

Hapipi's eye twitched. She grabbed hold of Kululu's arm possessively and stroked against him. "That's not true! I love Kululu very much! As a fr—"

Kululu shook his head at her, and Hapipi proceeded to correct herself.

"I love Kululu very much!"

The other four frogs continued staring back at him, almost as if they were bystanders who had just witnessed an apocalypse come and go. This was indeed just as impossible. No—Kululu having a girlfriend was _more_ impossible than the living through an apocalypse.

And still, Keroro reminded himself to keep a level head. There was probably some explanation for this absurdity—probably that Hapipi was actually a male, or a hologram, or Kululu had duped some poor person into pretending to be his girlfriend. To creep them all out. It _had_ to be that, it just _had_ to be.

"Yeah, right!" challenged Tamama. "If you two are _really_ in love, then… kiss or something!"

"Ku ku ku. Gladly," said Kululu. He spun around and pulled Hapipi closer to himself. He let his lips press against hers. She let out a small yelp, but quickly repressed it.

Keroro's face scrunched in disgust. "How does he even do that…? I mean, with his teeth and all… no one has seen you open your mouth before!"

"Ku ku ku," he said to Keroro, then returned to the kiss. The rest of the platoon saw this as an opportunity to slowly creep away into the house, shut the door behind them, and lock it.

Keroro ran up against the door as if to keep it shut if Kululu tried to come back in. He was looking frightened. "Platoon, I," he said dramatically, "have no freaking idea what in frog's name is going on."

"I think, if I am right," said the Private, "that Kululu has a girlfriend."

"Yes, Private. That's been established already." He threw his hands in front of him. "But _why_? Why would anyone ever want to date Kululu, of all people?"

"Um… to that, I have no answer," he responded.

"And she's so _pretty_, too!" Keroro exclaimed.

Dororo nodded in agreement and folded his arms calmly over his chest. "It is true, that Keronian girl is quite attractive, but who are we to judge their relationship? Mind you, it is possible that their love is true. It would be best if we not ask questions."

"But it's so tempting to!" said Keroro.

Giroro polished a weapon as he sat on a piece of furniture. "I think it's just weird. He's probably conning her or something. I mean, honestly. You aren't going to see Kululu actually dating someone for love. Never. He doesn't have feelings." All of a sudden, the gun fell from his hands. "Wait… Kululu has… a girlfriend…. That means… he doesn't…" His eyes sparkled. "…like me! YESSSS! Never mind, forget what I said. Kululu's totally in love with her." He pumped his fist in excitement.

"You're right, Corporal, that _is_ a good point," said Keroro. "If Kululu originally had a girlfriend, then why would he have a crush on _you_?"

Giroro shrugged. "Um… he was faking it?"

"He could be faking his relationship with Hapipi, too."

"No. Shut up. He totally loves her."

Keroro rolled his eyes. "You wish, old man."

"Well, at least you can look on the bright side," Dororo piped up. "If Kululu's girlfriend is the one that's monitoring your progress on the invasion, then she won't say anything bad about the platoon, since she wouldn't want to get her boyfriend in trouble."

Keroro rubbed his chin. "Hmmm… I guess you're right, strange blue comrade. Very well then, we shall accept this said girlfriend of his, and _then_ badger him with slightly irritable questions!"

"Yay!" Tamama cheered.

He saluted his subordinates. "Come, platoon! Let us speak with Hapipi!"

* * *

The platoon met Kululu and Hapipi (i.e. tracked them down) somewhere in a Pekoponian park. Luckily, they weren't making out again… yet.

"Kululu!" Keroro panted, trying to catch his breath. "We… accept… Hapipi! As your girlfriend!"

"Ku ku ku, that's good to know, otherwise only frog knows what I'd do to you," said Kululu. Suddenly, a shiver just went up Keroro's spine as visions flashed before him. He shuddered.

"So… we're not going to _pressure_ you or anything to start monitoring our wonderful work on the invasion, but—"

"Oh, no. It's all right." Hapipi dismissed this with a wave of her hand and a wink. "Truthfully, I was starting to miss Kululu. I heard he was on Pekopon in the Keroro Platoon, so I wanted an excuse to come down here." She flashed them her ever-so-bright smile, only making Keroro wonder even more how Kululu ever managed to pick up a girl so charming.

"So… how long have you two known each other?" asked Keroro. He knew that, with a question like this, they were bound to slip up.

"We've known each other for the longest time! And we were friends. As children!" She smiled again. Keroro was starting to wonder if that was all she did. _Maybe,_ he thought, _maybe Kululu built a robo-girlfriend with the constant command of non-stop smiling._ "Right, Kululu?"

"Ku ku ku. That's right," he said.

"Why didn't you ever tell us about her?" Keroro asked.

Kululu slowly turned to him, looking almost sarcastic, but there was really only one expression that was ever on his face. "Let's think about this honestly, Captain. If I _had_ told you earlier that I had a girlfriend, would you have believed me?"

"No, duh."

"Ku ku ku. And that's exactly why I didn't."

"Oh." Keroro fell silent, seeing his logic. "Um… sorry?"

"No need to apologize," he assured him. "It's only what's to be expected, I suppose. Most people take me for a jerk. Which I am. Ku ku ku."  
"Kululu!" Hapipi looked devastated. "That's not true! Stop beating yourself up all the time. You're a very sweet, kind, _caring_ person. Who ever told you that you were a jerk?"

Kululu glanced briefly over his shoulder at the platoon, but said nothing.

The platoon, though, exchanged glances of their own to express what their voices couldn't. _All right. Kululu having a girlfriend can be accepted. But someone CARING about him and calling him SWEET is just out of the question._

Keroro cleared his throat, driving all attention back to himself. "And then my next question, if this isn't too personal, I hope." He wiggled his finger back and forth between Kululu and Hapipi. "Why _are_ you two dating? I mean, there's really nothing in common about you two."

"Ku ku ku!" Hapipi shouted. She said the next one a little quieter, making sure to imitate Kululu's tone. "Ku, ku, ku…."

"Ku, ku, ku…" said Kululu almost exactly, except a little more… deeper, and creepy. He readjusted his glasses, and at the same time, Hapipi did the same to her imaginary ones.

Keroro sweat-dropped. "N-never mind, I can see the similarities. Wow. How'd you ever find a girl almost exactly like yourself, Kululu?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Hapipi clapped her hands in excitement. "Can I tell this one? Oh, can I? Can I? Please?"

"Sure, I guess…" he said.

"Okay." She shut her eyes to increase the drama, and her light happy (hence the name) pitch dropped to a much more mysterious-sounding one. "Once upon a time, there was a lonely walnut that fell off its tree."

"Uh…?"

"Everyone wanted to eat the walnut because it was prettier and juicier than all the rest. But secretly, the rest of the walnuts hated it for being better than them. They took knives and plotted to kill it."

"And then what happened?" asked Tamama, completely absorbed in the suspense of the story.

"And so," Hapipi continued, "the walnut wrapped itself in a cocoon and hid… and when the cocoon opened again, it transformed… into a beautiful octopus!"

"I'm not even going to ask how a walnut manages to turn into an octopus," said Giroro, polishing yet another gun.

"But then there was a fisherman who wanted to eat the octopus. So he took a mango and danced with it. The octopus, being foolish, befriended him. And was never seen again.

"Until he came back to life, as a platypus! The platypus made friends with the little purple rock and they lived happily ever after. The end!" she finished. Everyone watched in silence. Just silence. They didn't even wonder how all of that managed to transpire.

"What does that story have to do with anything…?" Giroro mumbled.

"Ku ku ku. You're exactly right, Hapipi. I remember it all just like it was yesterday," Kululu agreed. He pat her on the head.

"Yay! I'm being praised!" said Hapipi joyously.

"That is one weird Keronian," Keroro whispered into Tamama's ear. Tamama slowly nodded.

"Um… Private Hapipi, if I may ask… where will you be staying on your visit to Pekopon?" Keroro said.

"Kululu's room, of course!" she said cheerfully.

"But… there's only… one bed there, right…?" he said.

Hapipi thought a moment. "Don't worry, Kululu's a genius. I'm sure he'll think of something!"

"Kuu, ku ku ku ku ku. Or not~," teased Kululu.

She swallowed nervously and muttered to him, trying to sound quiet although everyone could still hear, "But… Kululu, won't that be… awkward…?"

"KUKUKUKUKU! Don't know what you just said! KUKUKU! Of course it won't be. Come on, Hapipi. We're dating. Put a little faith in me, 'kay?" he told her.

She was silent for a moment, then slowly nodded and went back to her smiling self. "R-right! Because we love each other!"

"Ku ku ku. I'm glad you think that." He smiled warmly to her. As Keroro and the others looked his way, he quickly turned it back into his normal creepy grin.

"Aha ha ha," Hapipi laughed nervously. "Pekopon is so pretty. Would you mind showing me around, Kululu?"

"Sure thing, Ha—"

"We can all show you around, Hapipi!" Keroro interrupted. "Right, guys? Private? Giroro? Other?"

"Right," they said… reluctantly.

_That's right, Kululu. Once I show Hapipi the true man's charm, she'll abandon you and come to me,_ thought Keroro. _And then… she and I… can wear dresses together! It'll be so amazing! Just like in my fantasies!_

"Mister Sergeant, what're you thinkin' with that dazed look on your face?" asked Tamama. Keroro quickly blushed and looked away.

"It's nothing, Private." _He'd only disown me as a leader if he knew about the cross-dressing,_ the green frog thought bitterly.

"Um… I guess I could do that, if that's what Kululu wants," Hapipi said. She looked at Kululu to get his approval, only to see the yellow frog suppressing a cringe.

"What, jealous, Kululu?" Keroro teased. Kululu switched back to his normal demeanor.

"Ku ku ku. Course I'm not." He pulled in closer to Keroro. "But just between you and me, I'd be careful if I were you. Hapipi has… certain habits. Ones that normal people can't take. Ku ku ku."

Keroro laughed. "Ooh, so your girlfriend has faults, you say?"

"Well, no one's perfect, are they?" He glared at him. Hapipi was pulled aside to someplace they couldn't hear them speak, and he seemed to be whispering something to her. She nodded and smiled, then he left on a motorcycle that appeared out of nowhere.

Hapipi was left watching him ride off into the distance. "So that's where that dog went…."

Keroro and Tamama said nothing, only exchanged a confused look with each other.

* * *

The Hinata house would be the first thing shown to Hapipi. Keroro, Tamama, Giroro, and Dororo all led Hapipi into the homely building.

"This," said their leader, "is—"

"AN ICE-CREAM SHOP!" she said at once.

Keroro looked at her quizzically and she quieted.

"Oh, um. Right. Heheh. I forgot." She bowed. "Please forgive me! I'm so sorry; don't hurt me!"

He sighed and gave a shrug. "You're pretty, but… weird. Kululu has clearly done something to your brain to make you like this. I wouldn't be surprised if he experimented on you."

Hapipi looked hurt for a moment. "Tha-that's not true! Kululu would never do that to me! He's too nice and sweet!"

"Suuuuuure he is." Keroro pat her on the shoulder and slowly nodded. "You keep thinking that, okay? Anyway, this is the living room, that's the kitchen, the stairway, the—"

"Stairs are so fun to fall down!" she commented.

"Um… was Kululu the one to make you fall down the stairs?" he asked off-handedly.

"Nope!" She smiled and swayed from side to side. "I had a different childhood friend who played that game with m—" Hapipi quickly covered her mouth. "Oops! I wasn't supposed to say that. Right." She giggled. "This friend was _imaginary_."

"I… see…." Keroro slowly turned away from the crazy girl. _It was totally Kululu who pushed her down the stairs,_ he thought in secret.

Nonetheless, the tour of the Hinata house resumed, and all went well… until Natsumi came home from after her small outing with Koyuki, and Fuyuki finished his book and left his room… coincidentally at the same time.

"AAAH! Another stupid frog!" screamed Natsumi.

Fuyuki's eyes widened in delight. "Yay! Another alien!"

Then they both paused and looked at each other, then back at the silver Keronian before them.

"Wow… you're actually kind of pretty for a stupid frog," said Natsumi.

"Thank you!" said Hapipi. "And you are…?"

"I'm Fuyuki Hinata!" the blue-haired boy broke in. "Are you a Keronian? That's so cool! Where do you come from? Why are you here? What's your back story?"

"Uh…."

"Don't mind him, he's crazy," Natsumi laughed. "Oh, right. And I'm Natsumi. What's your name?"

"Hapipi!" said Hapipi. "I'm Kululu's girlfriend!"

And that's when the two siblings fell silent.

After a prolonged period of being in this state of shock, Fuyuki rubbed the back of neck and said, "Oh, um… that's… great? I think…."

She nodded happily (hence the name once more). "Uh-huh! Uh-huh! He's really nice and sweet to me."

"And also *coughcoughpushesherdownstair scoughcough*," Keroro not-coughed. Fuyuki and Natsumi's eyes widened in horror.

"Where is Kululu now?" she asked.

"He left on a motorcycle!"

"Suuuure he did. But where is he _now_?"

"Hmmm…." Hapipi put a hand to her chin and thought. "No idea. Better ask him." With that, she started spinning rapidly and vanished in an explosion of sparkles. The silver Keronian came back a little while later. "Kululu said he's busy working on something and doesn't want to be bothered by anyone that is not me," she told them.

"Um… how did you do that?" asked Natsumi.

Fuyuki was entranced. "Wow! Can all Keronians teleport by spinning?"

"Nope. Only me!"

"Can you clean rooms using resonance too?"

"No. I'm not _desperate_ for special abilities, you know."

Fuyuki and Natsumi exchanged a weird look that said, _She's got a point_.

"But where _was_ Kululu when you went to go see him?" Natsumi tried to clarify.

Hapipi paused. "I don't know…. Better ask my reliable source!" She whipped out a rock. "Rock, where was Kululu?" The rest of them watched this curious scene. Hapipi appeared to be having a conversation with the rock, although the rock said nothing. "Yes. Uh-huh." Hapipi nodded her head. "Hmm, oh. I see. That's too bad. Really? I'll tell them that." She seemed to pause. "Wait… you WHAT?" Her innocent expression suddenly transformed into a snarl of rage. She through the rock into the wall, shattering it into hundreds of pieces (but oddly the wall was unfazed). "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU WORTHLESS OBJECT!" she screamed.

Hapipi slowly turned back to the silent group. "He's in the lab," she sniffed.

"Um… and I'm assuming that it was the rock who told you that?" Keroro asked sarcastically.

"No." Hapipi broke down into a fit of sobs. "It was a clump of dirt!"

* * *

**So? What do you guys think? Does Kululu really have a girlfriend? Or is it just a robot that smiles too much? And why does this robot talk to rocks? Where did Kululu get a motorcycle? Why does Keroro want to cross-dress? All these questions, and more, will be answered in the next chapter. Except most of them.**


	3. Nightmares and Crossdressing

**I forgot what I was going to say for this chapter. Maybe it's because I am half-asleep. Yeah. Not a morning person.**

**I don't own Keroro Gunso. If I did then I would make GiroNatsu canon.**

* * *

They went to sleep that night.

Well, duh. Everyone goes to sleep at night. And anyone who doesn't…

…is probably a silver-skinned, amber-eyed Keronian with a purple hat who is sharing a bed with Kululu. And has a name that is probably a pun off an emotion.

Hapipi curled up into a tiny ball, feeling completely awkward as Kululu was out like a night next to her, his security blanket wrapped tightly around his tiny body. Perhaps it wasn't the first time she'd shared a bed with Kululu (all the other times had just been friendly, or so she hoped), but this… was different.

She rolled over, deciding to watch Kululu's sleeping body to tide her over until drowsiness came. _He looks so cute when he sucks his thumb like that,_ she giggled in her head. _It's so tempting to doodle a moustache on his face again._ Hapipi squirmed a little closer to him and poked his cheek. No response from the yellow frog. _Hmmm… maybe this isn't all that bad,_ she assured herself. Hapipi rolled back away from Kululu. Then she rolled back at him. _Wheee! I'm rolling!_ she thought. Eventually she rolled off the bed. _Ow._

She climbed back onto the bed and brought the blanket up over her shoulders. It had been an exciting day for her. At the same time, it was troublesome. She bit her lower lip, thinking of all the feelings she had probably hurt. They would probably all hate her for it in the end. _But Kululu-san said it would be okay,_ she told herself. _Who am I talking to…?_

_We are the voices in your head,_ they said to her.

Hapipi frowned. _Huh…? I thought I, like, shut you out._

_Hahaha. We found the back door._

_NO! NOT THE BACK DOOR!_

_Yup, that's right. And then we taped it shut so you can't shut us out again._

_What about the window?_ Hapipi challenged. _I can still make you go out the window._

_Oh, curse you…._

_Turn into rocks!_ she ordered.

_We can't do that. We can turn into clumps of dirt, though._

Tears began to form in her eyes. She stuffed her face into the pillow. _Arg… I hate you, voices! Can you, like, leave me so I can get some sleep?_

_Fine, fine. But we'll come back by morning._

Hapipi breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, those blasted voices had left. She squirmed a little in bed then slowly drifted off into the land of sleep, with Kululu by her side, and no more voices to torment her. But she dreamt the dreams she always did. Torture, pain, agony, starvation, devastation, despair, abuse, fire, scissors, concrete, whips, pie. All of them encircled her on a carousel. Their evil clown faces laughed at her pitiful being, trapped her in cages and deprived her of any hope. Flames danced around her like graceful, deadly ballerinas.

"NO! STOP!" the girl screamed.

But the flames only rose higher to her cries. She broke out in a horrible sweat, the beads of perspiration falling down her skin. The smoke rose to her lungs and she found the life was slowly seeping away from her. There would be no happiness for Hapipi.

She awoke with a start, trembling and sweating all over. Her eyes darted around her, then flit down to her hands. So it was just a dream. She shook Kululu awake. "Kululu-san!"

Kululu groaned and sat up. His hand moved to where his glasses were on the bed stand, but after a few moments of struggling to grip them, he gave up and blinked back at her with eyes that were half-asleep. "Mm? What is it?" he yawned.

Hapipi looked nervously to either side, then whispered, "I—I had a nightmare again."

He gave another yawn. "Oh… I'm sorry. Is it the same one?" She nodded. "Would you like a hug?"

"Yes!" she whimpered. The Keronian girl felt Kululu's arms wrap around her. So much easier than all the other hugs he'd given in the past. Her body exploded with warmth. Not the terrified kind that wracked her dreams and made her sweat in terror, but this one was much more calming. It gave her the reassurance that somebody actually cared for her, and would always be there. _Kululu-san… cares so much… I will never EVER! doubt his feelings. Ever. I know he cares._

It was funny. She'd told herself the same thing for every single person she knew in life, and each time it wasn't true. Each time they treated her all the same, told her that she was worthless. Which she was and she knew it, or so she told herself. But Kululu she felt was actually earnest. Truthfully, he cared about her.

Or did he…?

Suddenly, fear encased her. What if he didn't? What if he was lying about it too, just to manipulate her? Get revenge on her for the things she'd done to him in the past? Sure, she's played with his feelings a couple times, but at least that made her happy! But maybe if he played with her feelings, too, he'd be just as happy. _Kululu-san,_ she thought, _you're the only one who makes me happy._

But that little spark, that one little fleck of doubt she might have had, that Kululu didn't actually cared about her, was stuffed down into the abyss of her empty heart. Instead, she let the others come through. Masks, excuses, lies, they were all the same. And hope.

But there was hope for her. Once, and it was in the form of a rose. _I wonder who he was,_ she thought. And as she thought this, that one little fleck of doubt, however far down she may have stuffed it… vanished.

Kululu took his arms off Hapipi. "There. Are you feeling better?"

She nodded, just barely. "Th-thank you, Kululu-san." She watched Kululu lay back down, but was unsatisfied. As if she needed to repay him for his kind deed. _It's my fault anyway for having nightmares._ "K-Kululu-san… you know… _he_ never treats me the way you do."

Kululu was silent for a moment, then glanced up at her. "I know," he said stiffly. Uncaring. Indifferent. Sarcastic. But so truthful. And it was just between those two that they held the truth, that they knew the meaning behind those two simple words. And they knew that they knew it.

"Why? Why are you so nice to me?" she asked him.

Kululu pulled his blanket tighter around himself. "It's just… you know why."

"No…?"

"Because…" He thought a moment. "…I guess you could say… we're kind of alike. Kind of. You know, because everyone hates us." _But it's not because we're alike that I like you so much,_ he added in his mind.

Hapipi couldn't help but giggle to this. "And I always thought we were opposites."

Kululu turned to her, looking impressed. "Wow. You're working really hard at talking right, aren't you?"

She nodded. "Because you want me to! Right?"

"Ku ku ku. Oh, come on. You wanted to do this too."

"Um… well, yes, but…" Hapipi put a finger to her cheek. "You've been acting really weird lately. Not just in public. You act really weird when we're alone. If I didn't know any better, Kululu-san, I'd say you're doing this for your own benefit." She brightened. "You c—"

Kululu had already fallen asleep. Hapipi put her hands to her heart. "Aww… he's so cute… I just want to cut him up…."

But there would be no cutting up for her. Instead she plunked down right next to him, and dreamed happier dreams. Discarding the pair of scissors that were sure to bring about her fate, all because of a single rose.

* * *

"STUPID FROG!"

Keroro groaned and flopped out of his bed. Curse that dreaded woman and her loud voice; she had woken him up again. He yawned and gripped the blankets, holding desperately to the thread of hope that he'd still be able to return to his dreams after being woken up.

"STUPID FROG, I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE! STOP SLEEPING IN AND DO YOUR CHORES ALREADY!" she continued shouting. He heard her footsteps thomping toward the basement.

_Guess I can't say no. Maybe I can sneak away from them somehow when she's not looking,_ he promised himself. Groggily, he began getting ready for the day.

When he came out of his room, Natsumi was waiting for him by the door, tapping her foot angrily on the stone flooring. "What took you so long?" she asked a bit angrily. Keroro wanted to ask her what was the problem, but decided not to, since Natsumi was usually always groggy.

He didn't answer, and instead slunk past her onto the ladder of the basement. _Maybe if I'm lucky I can see Hapipi's cute smile,_ he thought. _And then I can pretend that it's mine. As I am forced to slave through my chores. And possibly whack Natsumi-dono over the head with a baseball bat. Yeah, then I'll have a really big smile._

But alas, this could only be a fantasy. Because a) Natsumi would just beat him up, b) he didn't want to frighten his smiley guest, even if it would make him look better to beat up a Pekoponian, c) he didn't know where to find a baseball bat, d) Fuyuki would be sad, and e) Giroro would surely kill him a thousand times until he was dead. And then he would sob over Natsumi, and of course the invasion would be delayed, and….

_Bleh. Love is such a hindrance,_ Keroro thought as he scrubbed the bathroom floor._ To think that our very corporal would sink so low because of it. In fact_—

He froze. Love was a hindrance. That was right. He went back to scrubbing. _I wonder if it's a hindrance to everyone…. Even Kululu…._

Keroro grinned evilly. There'd be only one way to find this out.

And ah, how the result would be marvelous! All at once, the possibilities came flowing down in the palm of his froggie hands like a waterfall. _I could get blackmail on Kululu. I could get him to do my bidding. I could get him to actually make an attempt at the invasion. I could embarrass him! I could get him to cross-dress with me. Ooooooh, the possibilities!_

And how many there were. His hands shook in anticipation. And then they stopped.

_But no. What if Kululu doesn't actually like her?_ He pondered over this. _They ARE dating, but still…. I mean, she could have always been a robot. Giroro was right. Kululu doesn't have feelings. He's just cold, heartless, and yellow._ But then what if Kululu had feelings for the robot? It was always possible. Many Pekoponians had made anime and manga about it before. And Keroro had certainly seen Kururuko more than once. His washcloth dropped from his hand. _I don't even know why that's important,_ he realized. _But if I can get Kululu to act all Giroro-like around Hapipi, there are so many things I could do! So many ways I could torture him! I could get back at him for all those times he'd experimented on me!_ Yen signs appeared in his eyes. _I could get him to pay me! And give me Gundam models! I'd be in Gundam h-heaven!_ He started drooling in happiness.

The door to the bathroom burst open. "Hey, Mister Sergeant! Fukkie wanted me to tell you that it's time for breakfast, and don't ask me what I'm doing 'cuz I certainly didn't sneak over to your house or anything to watch you in your sle—Are you drooling?"

"Er…" Keroro wiped his mouth off. "…nnnooooooooo…."

"Oh well. Anyway, I—"

"Hey, Private." He stood up and tossed the washcloth on the counter, brushing his hands together.

Tamama looked intently at his commander. "Yes?"

Keroro blinked back at him, then abruptly looked away. "C-can I ask you a really weird question…?"

His eyes lit up in excitement. A blush entered his face. "Y-yes!"

"Will you…" He blushed as well, only instead of in embarrassment of being paid attention to by his crush, Keroro was embarrassed of wanting such a thing to get Gundam. "W-will you help me embarrass Kululu?!"

* * *

**Hah, scissors, they're everywhere... Someday, I'm going to make a pair of scissor earrings and wear them constantly. Now whenever you see someone with scissor earrings, you'll know it's me, magically teleported to where you are living... Bua ha ha ha ha...**

**Uh. I mean, ku ku ku.**


	4. Caring or Curry?

Tamama blinked dazedly back at Keroro. "Um… say what, now?"

"I said, help me embarrass Kululu!" the green frog said.

He was silent, then gave a groan of disappointment.

"What? You don't WANT to help me?"

"N-no, it's not that, Sergeant." Tamama gave a nervous laugh. "Um, sure. How do you plan on embarrassing him?"

"Well," said Keroro, "I have deduced that, since Kululu is supposedly 'in love' with this Hapipi, that we will embarrass him by either using this hindrance of his 'feelings' to our advantage, or exposing the fact that he does not actually like her."

Tamama clapped his hands together. "It's brilliant! Just like all your other plans that don't totally suck!"

He laughed and brushed his chest idly. "I know, I know. You don't have to tell me how wonderful I am."

"Shall we get the Corporal and the other one to help us too, Sergeant?" asked the Private.

"Ummm… sure. The more the merrier," he said.

After Keroro was made to finish doing all his chores, Giroro and Dororo were brought (Giroro who liked the idea and Dororo who was duped into thinking that it would strengthen Kululu and Hapipi's relationship) and they told them the plan. Keroro would dress up as some alien and kidnap Hapipi, demanding the ransom to be in curry. But at the same time, Tamama would tell Kululu that the Pekoponian store is having an exclusive sale on the same food product—with new spicy flavors! He would have to be forced to make the choice of whom to chose. His beloved, or his girlfriend?

If he chose his girlfriend, then he would the rest of the platoon would be able to use it to their advantage. But if he chose his beloved curry, then it would only prove to them that he cared nothing for Hapipi. A test of love. And food.

Tamama proceeded to tell Kululu about the sale. Kululu went to the Pekoponian store in a suit and bought the curry immediately. (With the help of Momoka's fortune, they had made the sale possible. She was told Fuyuki would like it.) Keroro dressed up in a scary-looking alien suit and found Hapipi aimlessly wandering the streets. He swung his heavy arm around her neck, lifting her into the air.

"AAAH! Let me down!" she screamed—a little too enjoyably.

Keroro, still in the suit, tightened his grip around her. "Arg, you're coming with me. I am a scary kidnapper!"

"Oh." Hapipi stopped struggling. "Okay! Best of luck to you, then, Mister Kidnapper!"

"Um… why aren't you screaming?" he asked.

"Well, because you're kidnapping me, of course. Isn't screaming bad if you're kidnapped? Then people will find you. Then it will be all awkward, because they'll get angry at you for not being able to defend yourself and stuff," she explained, almost as if from experience.

"Ok-ay… anyway, I am taking you to my evil lair of evilness! And it is there that no one will be able to save you! Unless…" Keroro narrowed his eyes. "…they have curry."

"Curry?" She brightened. "Kululu has curry! Kululu will save me! As Batman!"

He sweatdropped. "As what, now?"

"Just joking. Batman's weird." She giggled.

Keroro stuffed Hapipi in a bag and went to an abandoned warehouse. It was there that he tied her up against the wall. He called up Kululu on a telephone and, using the handy magic of a handkerchief to disguise his voice, tell him that he'd kidnapped his girlfriend.

"And if you don't bring curry, I will be forced… to lower your girlfriend… into this boiling pot of lava!"

"Ku ku ku. I see. That's too bad for the lava, then," Kululu said into the phone.

Keroro was shocked. "Wh-what? You aren't scared? Don't you want to come and save her?"

He heard Kululu sigh from the other line. "Fine, I'll be there in a couple minutes."

_YES!_ Keroro did a fist-pump.

"Who is this, by the way?" asked Kululu.

"Er… someone nameless…."

"Ku ku ku. Very funny. I just can't wait to see that boiling pot of lava you have."

_Crap, he knows,_ Keroro realized. Sweat trickled down his face. _He'll kill me when he realizes I don't have a pot of boiling lava!_

He quickly hung up. In a couple of minutes, Kululu came as promised. But there was no curry.

"What? You didn't want to give up your precious curry?" Keroro taunted. Through the suit, his voice came out muffled.

"Ku ku ku. Didn't feel like it." He turned to Hapipi. "When are you going to untie yourself, Hapipi?"

"Awww… but I was having so much fun," she complained. She slipped out of the ropes and casually walked over to Kululu. As they started leaving, she turned around and waved to Keroro. "Thanks, Mister Kidnapper! See you later!"

"Ku ku ku. Though I do have to wonder why you would ever want to kidnap my girlfriend, Captain," added Kululu.

Keroro swallowed. _How did he know?_

But outside the building, things were different. Kululu glanced at Hapipi briefly, then looked back away. "Why'd you let him do that?" he mumbled.

"Um… because it was fun?"

He rolled his eyes, but obviously she couldn't see this. "Things are different now. You don't have to let people push you around."

"I… don't?" Hapipi held her arms close to her, her face guilt-stricken. It was almost as if she didn't want to face the truth, that it was bad, that she couldn't take it. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands harder together. "B-but then they'll get angry at me for not listening to them and—and—"

"Well, they're stupid for not realizing that you can think for yourself."

"But I _can't_!" she insisted. "I _can't_ think for myself!" Suddenly, she brightened. "Just like he said, I have to be a good dog!"

She felt a hand go on her shoulder, and heard Kululu's sigh of exasperation. "You… really don't understand, do you?"

"Nope! Like, not at all!"

He gave her shoulder a small squeeze, then took his hand off. "Don't listen to what he tells you. What the Captain says doesn't matter, okay?"

Hapipi looked at him, then let her eyes drift to the ground. "K-Kululu-san…"

"Yes…?"

"…does he… hate me?"

Kululu was silent for a moment, then slowly shook his head. "Not right now, no. But I'm not exactly sure how things were for you back then."

"Well… he did a lot of great things with me. Like baseball! He was the batter, I was the ball! That means he likes me, right?"

"Um…." Kululu shook his head again.

"Oh." She blinked, then smiled. "You know… I think everyone hates me!"

"Kuuuu ku ku ku." He quickly looked away from the girl. "I… um… don't," he whispered. _Why is my face so warm suddenly? Do I have a fever or something?_ he wondered. _No, wait. That's not right. I'm cold-blooded._

"You… don't?"

He silently nodded.

Her lower lip began to tremble as moisture started blocking her vision. And then it just all came out at once Hapipi threw her arms around Kululu and started sobbing. "Then you're the first…!"

* * *

Upon returning to the platoon, Keroro's shoulders sank with the heavy burden of the bad news.

"How'd it go, Sergeant?" asked Tamama. He mumbled something about handerchiefs but said nothing.

Giroro looked up at him from polishing his gun. "Let me guess. Operation: Expose Kululu was a failure?"

Keroro nodded.

"And we didn't make people happy?" said Dororo.

He only shrugged to this. He was too busy thinking, _How did Kululu know? And why didn't he do anything about it…?_

Meanwhile….

* * *

"Hapipi." The silver Keronian girl looked above her to see Natsumi and Fuyuki. "We have decided that, because you're new, we're going to introduce you to everyone else."

"Uh-huh!" said Fuyuki excitedly.

"But… I'm an alien…?" she said.

Natsumi shook her head. "That doesn't matter. As long as you're staying here to do whatever you're doing, you're going to have to meet everyone else so they don't flip out if they happen to see her." In truth, this was Natsumi's and Fuyuki's scheme to get to know the girl. To them, it seemed practically impossible that Kululu had such a pretty and kind girlfriend, let alone one at all. They were going to do some investigating to see why this was so. And they hoped, by introducing her to everyone, that perhaps they would catch something they hadn't seen before, or Hapipi might slip up about something.

"Well… I guess that's okay, since the rest of them forgot to give me a tour…" she muttered. "Not like it matters anyway, but… sure!"

"Cool!" Natsumi bent down and shook her hand. "Who should we introduce her to first, Fuyuki?"

"Hmm… let's try Nishizawa-san and her butler!"

As if on cue, their helicopter began hovering over the backyard right at that moment. _Hmm, strange. All I had to do was say her name and she came flying down,_ he thought.

"Yes, Fuyuki-kun?" cooed Momoka. Paul was by her side, operating the breaks to the aerial vehicle. It landed softly on the ground and she hopped out.

"Oh, we were just going to introduce you to the new Keronian that stopped by." He gestured toward Hapipi. "This is Private First Class Hapipi."

"Hi! I'm Kululu's girlfriend!" she said cheerfully.

Momoka froze right there. "Um… say that again?"

"Sure! I'm Kululu's girlfriend."

Her eyes started spinning. "No, that can't be possible…."

"Why do you think that is, Momoka-chan?" Natsumi asked slyly.

She threw here head into her hands and screamed, "Because that yellow creeper can't _have_ a girlfriend, of course!" Suddenly, she brightened. "But, as long as my Fuyuki-kun doesn't like her, I'm good!~"

Natsumi sighed. _Well, she's no help._ "Okay, um… let's try Koyuki-chan next."

"NO! I'm not leaving Fuyuki-kun's backyard!" yelled Momoka.

"Um… you want to come along?" he asked, holding out his hand. Momoka sparkled and took it graciously.

The three teens and one Keronian went to Koyuki's house. They found her sipping tea at a low table with Dororo.

"Oh, hey, Natsumi-san!" she said.

"Hey, Koyuki-chan!" As Koyuki stood up, Natsumi used her palm to point to Hapipi. "Meet Hapipi! She's new here, and we're introducing her to everyone."

"Hi! It's nice to meet you!" said the girl. She shook hands with Koyuki.

Natsumi leaned over and whispered into her ear, "She's supposedly Kululu's girlfriend."

Koyuki screamed.

She and Fuyuki made eye contact. In Koyuki's state of shock, she would be no help either. They left her and started walking to the next house.

"Where are we going _now_, Nat—Natsumi-san?" asked Hapipi, picking up the pace to be able to keep up with Natsumi's long strides.

She gave her a wink. "You'll like where we're going next, Hapipi. We're going to see my good friend Saburo-senpai!"

"Oh. Um… that's great! I can't wait!" she said.

They finally reached Saburo's house… wherever it was. Natsumi made Fuyuki knock on the door, and Saburo opened up. He brightened when he saw the crowd at his door.

Natsumi blushed. "H-hi, S-Saburo-sen—"

"Fuyuki-kun! It's good to see you here at my house!" Saburo said happily. He gave him a friendly hug. Natsumi and Momoka both started steaming in anger. "Oh. Right. Can I help you guys?"

"This is Private First Class Hapipi," said Fuyuki, introducing the small Keronian to him.

"I'm Kululu's girlfriend," she told him, oddly seriously and in a clear voice. And that moment of happiness Saburo once had of seeing Fuyuki at his house… suddenly vanished.

Anger came. Jealousy. Shock. Dismay. He did not believe the silver alien.

"N-no, you're not!" he denied. Hapipi smiled proudly. "But _I'm_ supposed to be Kululu's girlfriend!"

And then silence.

"Um… what?" asked Fuyuki. Saburo blushed and quietly crept back into his house, much like a hermit crab retreating back into its shell.

"Well, that was… weird, Fuyuki-kun." Momoka gave a nervous laugh. "Really weird. Come on, let's leave. There's no one else to introduce Hapi-chan to, is there?" she asked.

Fuyuki shrugged. "No, I guess not. Okay, let's go home."

The three teens began walking off, leaving Hapipi in the misery of knowing how Dororo felt for once. She ran after them as they started heading back home.

"Hold on! Wait for me!"

* * *

**In the manga, it's really funny because it sometimes feels like Mutsumi's got the hots for Fuyuki. What if he liked Kululu, too? O.O As as for why I keep citing stuff from the manga, I have 16 volumes right next to me anyway so I might as well cite stuff.**

**BECAUSE I'M FROM THE FBI, AND I CAN!**


	5. Snap Like a Match, Crack Like a Fire

It was driving Keroro nuts.

Why? Why was Hapipi so… strange?

He had kidnapped her yesterday, and yet, she was so calm for someone of her… demeanor. _Too_ calm. _Something is definitely up with her,_ he thought. _I just know it._

But what? What was behind that mask of innocence? What secrets had she buried under the surface? Or was Keroro just over-thinking the whole thing? _I must get to know Kululu's girlfriend,_ he decided. And soon, the answers would come….

"Private!" Keroro barked. Tamama swung open the door to his bedroom, as if he had been waiting there the whole time for Keroro to call his name. "Invite Hapipi over into my room! I would like to speak with her."

"Yes, sir!" the Private saluted. He ran off to find Hapipi, who was in Kululu's lab. "How did I even get down here?" he asked himself. "No, seriously. I don't even _remember_ walking down to the Sergeant Major's lab."

"Ku ku ku. You need something, Private?" Kululu asked.

He nodded. "Gimme your girlfriend!"

Kululu looked puzzled for a moment, until Hapipi popped out of nowhere and shouted, "Here I am~! You need something, Tama…ma-san?"

Tamama put his hands on his hips and smirked. "Indeed I do. The Sergeant wants to see you in his room."

"Ku ku ku. The Captain, huh…?" muttered Kululu.

"Ok-ay! I'll come with you to K-Keroro-san's room, then!" said Hapipi. Kululu watched as she followed Tamama out of the lab. The door shut behind them like a burdenous lock.

"Tch," he scowled. "Wonder if I should go to help her out…. Hmm, nah. I'm sure she's got this one covered." He turned back to his computers, but found no motivation for work. His eyes drifted to the monitor labeled "Captain's Room". "Maybe I'll just watch them a little…."

* * *

Tamama led Hapipi into his Sergeant's quarters. "Here ya go, First Private!" he chirped. "You be good to my Sergeant, you got that?"

"Right, Tamama-san!" she saluted. He opened the door for her and she went inside. The door shut behind her. _I'd better listen in anyway, to make sure she doesn't go psycho on him or anything,_ Tamama told himself, eyes bloodshot. _I'm sure that after dating the Sergeant Major for so long, she's bound to have some of his traits rub off on her! I'll keep a close eye on that girl, I will…._

Hapipi stepped cautiously around Keroro's bedroom. She was so nervous, being in such an awkward situation. It was just the two of them… the two of them alone…. She wondered how he would treat her how she was. _What if he treats me… normally?_ she wondered, horrified. _Am I supposed to treat him normally back, like Kululu-san told me? Or should I just…._ The clock ticked, the only noise in the room. She just stayed there frozen by the door until Keroro called her down to have a seat at his table.

"Come, girl. Don't be shy," he beckoned.

Hapipi silently crept over and knelt before his table. He poured a cup of tea and handed it to her. Her eyes widened as they focused on the cup. _No… is he actually… pouring… tea? For ME?_

"So." Keroro took a sip of his tea and looked at her. She squealed in surprise and did the same… even if the tea tasted really bad. "You're very shy, I can see. Not normally one to be around other people?"

Hapipi gave a slow shake of her head.

"Ah. Just like Kululu."

She stared back into the deep green of her drink. _Are Kululu-san and I really that alike?_ "Um… is there a r-reason you called me, K-Keroro-san?" she asked, trying to be strong, just like Kululu instructed her. Keroro put his cup down and traced his finger along the rim.

"Ah, not really. I was just thinking we could… you know, get to know each other."

"Like a… date?"

He paused a moment, then burst out in laughter. "Gero gero gero! No, that's not what I meant. I meant _this_." She peered down at her cup, and at once understood what he meant.

"The tea is listening!"

He sweatdropped. "Um… I… don't think so, no."

"Oh." She looked rather disappointed. "Well, um… what do you… want to know about me?"

"Not much." Keroro leaned his elbow against the table and kept staring at her. _Wow,_ thought Hapipi. _It IS annoying when people stare at you. Now I see why Kululu-san always writhes in pain whenever I do it to him. Hmmm… death by stares… I'll have to keep that in mind._ She stared back at him, trying her hardest to see if it would work on Keroro. Her eyes glistened in determination.

"…What are you doing?" he asked.

Hapipi didn't exactly know herself what she was doing, so she gave the first answer that went to her head. "I'm having a staring contest," she answered. "With your hat."

Keroro moved his hands to his hat, then remembered it had no eyeballs. It was just then that he also remembered the question he had meant to ask her. "Are you… insane?"

She nodded casually. "That's a good thing, right?"

"…No," said Keroro, shaking his head. "_Bad_ thing. Very bad."

"But the rocks told me—No, wait." Her eyes widened. "Those weren't rocks…. They were… clumps of dirt! Those little liars!"

_Phew, crazy lady,_ thought Keroro. _No wonder she's with Kululu. Those insane flock together._ "So… um… what do you like most about Kululu?"

Hapipi put a finger to her cheek and thought. "Ooh, that's a hard one. Let me think…. Maybe it's because… whenever I have I nightmare, he's always there to comfort me? And his hugs are so sweet. He lets me do everything with him! And he's so easy to scare!" Keroro stared back at her in silence. "Er… I mean… he's so easy… to… kiss! Yeah!"

"And… how much exactly have you kissed?" he asked.

She blushed. "Um… that's a personal question…. I don't think Kululu would like it very much if I told other people…."

_So pretty much, they've kissed a lot, is what she's saying,_ Keroro deduced.

"But—he can be very funny at times! He makes me laugh." She giggled. "Kululu's the best friend ever! And his tiny body… so soft and delicate…." Her innocent eyes suddenly narrowed to become a menacing glare. "I just want to cut him up so badly… heh heh heh, You're all mine, Kululu…."

Keroro watched in horror as she talked to herself. She quickly wiped the evil look away and went back to being cute and innocent. "Er… Hapipi… are you scheming behind his back…?"

She blushed again. "N-no! It was just once, seriously! I didn't _mean_ to put the knife in his back!"

From where Kululu was watching at the monitors, he had the sudden urge to check his back for tissue scarring…. What was even more disturbing, though, was that he found it. _Guess that explains why I woke up a few weeks ago in a pile of blood,_ he figured.

Keroro frowned, but didn't seem very surprised at this confession of hers. "Eh. I guess it makes sense why you're so violent. Being with Kululu and all… ugh. I guess you guys really _are_ meant to be with each other."

Her eyes sparkled in happiness. Hapipi felt it just then. That one thing she'd never felt before in her life. Confidence. Actual _confidence_. _I can act like myself around everyone… and they won't care!_ she realized. _I bet I could kill them all right now and they'd think it would be normal for me!_ A grin broke out on her face. _I don't have to act sweet anymore!_

It was as if the flame had suddenly returned. No longer was it a flame of doubt, but this time, a flame of hope. A flame of power. A flame of all the things she could have done, if she had just had the courage. The flame engulfed her being, took over her soul. She could feel the confidence burning through her. It was the first time that she felt actual power. _I am the one in control now._ So many emotions bottled up. So many thoughts locked away, not to be said. They all came flowing out at the same time. They took her over. They burned her. But she was invincible, for Hapipi, who was the match…

…had snapped.

She jumped up onto the table, knocking over both glasses of tea. "MUAAAA HA HA HA HA HA," she cackled evilly. "Ku, ku, ku. You there! You! Keroro!" She pointed down at him.

"Y-y-y-y-yes?" he trembled.

She narrowed her eyes at him, giving the most intimidating glare imaginable. "You are the most sickening, despicable person I have ever met. And I hate how you treat me! It's like I don't even deserve _happiness!_ Well, guess what? My NAME is Hapipi! You can't make me unhappy anymore! I hate you!"

Time had stopped. Or at least, it went in slow motion. Keroro felt all the girl's feelings burst out in that one little slap she gave him across the face. He was sent into a nearby wall from the force of the impact.

She glanced down at the tea cup, then threw it at him, shattering it into thousands of pieces. "And take your stupid tea with you! If you had learned to make tea yourself all these years, maybe it wouldn't have tasted as bad!" She stuck her tongue out him and ran out of the room.

The door burst open into Tamama's face as Hapipi streaked past. "H-Hapi-chan, what are you—" he tried to say. He peered in the room and gasped. "Sergeant! Did she do that to you?"

Hapipi ran down the hallway of the Hinata house, basking in the bliss of knowing she was controlling herself at last. _What is this great feeling?_ she wondered. _And… I'm thinking normally, too. Without even trying! Is this what it's like to feel in control…? I love it!_ She stopped running for a moment and looked back at the door to the basement hall. Keroro's face flashed in her mind. _Wait a minute… I just realized… he's a total jerk!_ Her face scrunched with sadness. _Why have I been acting like THAT all this time…? Oh, well. Things can change! Because everyone is idiots! And the best part is_—She smiled evilly.—_he won't be able to hurt me like this! Because he doesn't know~! I'm…_ Her eyes widened as the truth hit her. _I'm… free…._

She pushed the door opened and walked outside, feeling the warm sun on her face. She turned to the side, looking at the people walking past and not seeing her, wondering if she should do what she came to do. What she was created for. _But no,_ she thought. _Kululu-san's here. I can't do that to him. That's right. If I do that, then how will I have his bones to keep for myself?_

But still, it was so… tempting. She felt the urges surging back into her with her newly-gotten self-esteem, and as most new urges couldn't be suppressed…. _But wait. If I did it, then he would know. A-and Father would be mad at me…._ She bit her lip as her hands quivered in fear. _What if Father finds out what I've been doing? And scolds me, a-and…._

As quick as her self-esteem had come to her, it left her just as fast. Hapipi soon found herself kneeling on the ground, bawling. All the confidence, all the control, all the power… it was all gone. And soon she was back to her normal self. _Oh, no!_ she realized in horror. _Wh-what I did to him, I—I hurt…. NO! How could I do that to someone so important to me?_

Hapipi raced back into the house, her heart pounding. She ran into the cellar and tore down the door. There Keroro laid, by the hole in the wall, his eyes bruised and a worried Tamama by his side. She ran sobbing to Keroro and hugged his body. "I'm so sorry for hurting you!" she sobbed.

"Whuh…?" asked Keroro in a daze. _Is someone hugging me?_ he thought. _I have no idea what just happened…. Did someone just throw me into a wall? I wonder who it could have been…._

He felt tears fall to his face suddenly. Keroro looked up and saw Hapipi sobbing over him. _Is she sad that I got hurt…? How sweet._ His hand went up to stroke her cheek. _I have underestimated you, Hapipi. You really do have a kind heart. Perhaps this… is… love that I am in…?_

And then it all went black for him as he passed out.

Tamama watched the two in anger. "How dare you steal my Sergeant!" he yelled at the girl. "You're just a rookie! You know nothing about him!"

Hapipi glanced quickly at the frog in her arms, then tossed him away with a squeal. "Oh, no! You're right, Tamama-san! Kululu's going to get so angry with me!" She got to her feet and started running out the door. "I must apologize to Kululu—!"

_That girl will regret hugging my Sergeant,_ thought Tamama while gritting his teeth in anger. _Ohhh, will she regret it…!_

He waited until Hapipi returned to Kululu in the lab, and then quickly followed after her before she closed the door. He heard the heavy metal slam behind him. _I hope she didn't lock it._

"Kululu-san!" Hapipi ran running to him and threw her arms around the yellow Keronian. "I am soooo sorry for doing that! I can, like, explain it all!"

"Ku ku ku. Tch." Kululu furrowed his brow and turned back to the computer. "I saw it all, you know."

She swallowed in nervousness. "Y-you did…?"

He slowly nodded. "It's not like I'm mad at you, though."

"You… aren't?" She sighed in relief.

"Ku ku ku. Mm-hm. I know that it's his fault. Do you want to take a bath in curry?"

Hapipi brightened. "Y-yes!"

They began to leave for a curry bath, until Kululu felt an ominous presence….

"Hold on a second. You stay here," he instructed the girl. She nodded and he left to go investigate. _I know this feeling. There's someone else in the lab with us._

_Uh-oh!_ thought Tamama. He quickly hid behind a large plank of metal and hoped that Kululu wouldn't notice him. He looked over his shoulder at Kululu pacing around, soon disappearing. He let out his breath.

"Ku ku ku…. Hello, Private," said a voice right at his neck.

Tamama let out a howl of terror and almost jumped right out of his shoes. Instead he lept back a couple of feet to see Kululu, in the spot he'd been hiding just a few seconds ago.

"S-Sergeant Major…!" Tamama panted.

"Ku ku ku. Howdy. I trust you'll leave quietly and efficiently?" To Tamama, it sounded more like a threat than a question.

"Uh… I, um," he stuttered. Metal clamped around his wrists and ankles and he felt himself being lifted into the air on an experimentation table. He let out another shriek. "AAAH! Please, no!"

Kululu crept up to him and put his lips next to the dark blue tadpole's ear. He could feel his curry breath on his neck. "Ku ku ku. When I release you from the lab, you will tell no one of what you saw or heard, no matter what. Agreed?"

"A-agreed," Tamama squeaked. Kululu pressed a button that unlatched Tamama from the experimentation table. He slid off and rubbed his sore joints. Kululu gave him a glare and he quickly ran from the lab, locking the door behind him in fright.

_Wow, that Kululu. What was he so desperate to hide?_ Tamama wondered as he hopped onto his hovercraft. _Maybe he was embarrassed that I saw him acting all caring toward Hapipi. But it's not like everyone doesn't already know about their relationship. I mean, they DID kind of announce it in front of everybody._ The hovercraft began to take flight into the air. He inserted the coordinates of the Nishizawa mansion and started zooming through the sky. _Hmmm… but still, something just doesn't seem right. Something's out of place. Something about Hapipi. She's so evil… as if… she's almost…._ His eyes suddenly widened in horror of the truth. _Oh my god, H-Hapipi is…._

The controls of the hovercraft slipped from his hands, and before he knew it, Tamama had crashed into the side of a building.

* * *

**Whoops! My finger slipped! It seems I "accidentally" forgot to type Tamama's realization.**

**Ooh~, plot twist! Keroro is starting to fall for the sweet-yet-slightly-psychotic Hapipi, and Tamama has just discovered something! But what…?**

**Maybe he was the first one to realize that soon, all the characters will plunge into OOC-land...**


	6. Engagement

**I'm sorry. This started out as crack. I... I'm not so sure where it's going anymore. Maybe that's why I haven't updated past chapter 11 for so long.**

* * *

Momoka put another box of candy by Tamama's bedside. He rubbed his sore head and nodded his thanks to her, still too in shock of what he'd found out to even speak a word. _So that's what the Sergeant Major meant when he said to not tell anyone,_ he realized. _Wow… how could I not realize it before? No, seriously? HOW COULD I NOT FREAKING REALIZE IT BEFORE?_

"Tama-chan? What's wrong?" asked Momoka, seeing his expression of anger.

He went back to looking adorable, and spoke finally. "Ohoho, it's nothing, Momotchi. I was just… thinking about… stuff."

"I see." Her eyes shifted to the telephone on Tamama's nightstand as it started ringing. "Oh, that may be Keroro-san who's calling."

Tamama picked up the phone and put it to his ear, swallowing the last bit of chocolate he had in his mouth before speaking. "Hello~! Who might this be?"

"Hi, Private! It's me, your wonderful sergeant. Fuyuki-dono said that Momoka told him you wouldn't be able to show up to today's invasion meeting. Did something happen? You okay?"

He blushed slightly, flattered that his crush was concerned about his well-being. "Oh, I'll be okay soon, Sergeant. I just crashed into a billboard on my way back, that's all. What about _your_ wounds? You gonna be okay?"

"Pretty sure I will. It's a great thing I'm a cartoon," Keroro told him.

"Um… what?"

"I'm… not actually sure…. Ahem. Anyway, you get better, okay, Private?"

"Yup! I'll do my best!" Tamama assured. "Bye bye! I love you!"

"Okay, you t—Wait, what?"

"NOTHING." Tamama slammed the phone down. "Hahah, hope he didn't hear that last part." _I wonder if I should tell him about Hapipi,_ he thought. _Oh ho ho, the Sergeant would be very surprised indee—But wait, no._ He cringed. _Th-the Sergeant Major will kill me if I say anything. HE'LL FREAKING KILL ME! Wait… hold on a minute…_ Tamama gaped in shock. _…why IS the Sergeant Major doing it…?_

Momoka just smiled and said nothing. But Keroro, just then, was rubbing the back of his head in awkwardness.

"What the frog did the Private just say…?" he wondered dazedly. "Ah well, must have been my weird imagination getting the better of me again. Just like yesterday, when I almost thought I remembered Hapipi slamming me into a wall. Huh. Yeah, I think I have a REALLY weird imagination."

Keroro laid back down in his bed (he was still recovering from his wounds) and pictured her image. Hapipi. There was something about her. Like he felt such a closeness to her, and yet… none. He reached his hand to the ceiling and groped the air. Not only that, each time he saw her, the strangest feeling blossomed inside him…. So intense… but he just couldn't put it. What was he feeling? _It must be love,_ he thought.

Kululu was not feeling as happy. He furrowed his brow angrily at the results of Keroro's brainwaves on the machine before him. _Not good. Definitely NOT good,_ he thought to himself. _Ku ku ku. This completely defeats the purpose of my plan! If the Captain starts falling for Hapipi…. ARG. That doesn't even make sense._ He sighed and leaned back in his chair. _Wait… Hapipi… where is she now…?_

* * *

Hapipi glanced over her shoulder once more, then sighed. Good, he wasn't watching. So hiding in a tree _was_ the right decision. _I hope I'm alone here,_ she thought. She flipped back open her cell phone.

"Um… hello? …Oh… uh, hi…." She gripped the cell phone tighter in her hands. "…Two weeks? But Father, I— …But you don't understand! I CAN'T marry _him_!" The muffled sound of yelling came from the other line. "…It—It wasn't _my_ fault that I killed them! …I'm dating someone else, though! …You heard me. …Why can't I be happy?" Her eyes filled with sadness, but she quickly hid it. "…I—Yes, Father. I'm sorry. …Er… no, of course not." There was a pause. "…Yeah… he's a jerk… (a nice one)." She brightened again. "…Yay! Thank you, Father! I promise to be as unhappy as possible! …Okay! You have fun with that! …Uh-huh. I love you too, Father. Bye!"

She shut her cell phone and sighed, letting the teardrops rest on her eyelids. _I'm sorry I had to lie to you, father,_ she thought in her head, _but if I marry Brother, then I'll have to leave the one I love…._

She gasped as her ears detected a noise coming from the trees behind her. Dororo swooped down from the overgrowth and stood on the tree branch before her. Hapipi scrambled to hide her cell phone. "You have nothing to fear, Miss," said Dororo. Although his voice was soothing, she was still terrified. "I heard it all."

Hapipi's heart started thumping in her chest. _Oh, no! He didn't find out, did he—?_

Dororo sat down in front of her and crossed his legs. "Fear not. I understand the situation completely."

She sighed. _Phew…._

"You are engaged to another, I presume?"

She shot her head toward him.

"Ah, that confirms it." Dororo shut his eyes and breathed in gently. "How tragic. A torn romance. Forbidden love, as you could say?"

Hapipi bit down hard on her lip, fighting the urge to correct him.

"Alas, that is just the way the universe works. You find love once, but are forced into something else. Happy memories are shared only to be torn away by the bringer of death."

_And what if death is a happy memory?_ she wondered. _If anyone besides me brings Kululu-san's death, I swear I'll destroy them and all of their kind…._

"But still"—She'd almost forgotten Dororo was still talking.—"we continue living our lives of love, because it is the present that matters most. What happened in the past we think of as a mistake that shall be learned from, and the future is ours for the making."

"Not my future," Hapipi muttered.

"It's true, sometimes there are decisions others make for us that we can't change. But the only thing we can do is keep moving on, not letting the downsides hinder us. Keeping an open mind. Looking at the bright side of things. If you do that, you will achieve true happiness." He gave a half-smile and inspected a nearby flower growing out of a knot in the moss-covered tree. "Though personally, I do think that you and Kululu-dono make a good couple. It looks as if he cares about you very much."

Hapipi was silent for a moment, still looking a bit sad. Then she perked back up. "Thank you, Dororo-san. I'll do just what you said: Keep smiling and pretend like nothing has happened!" She stood up, ready to leave the tree.

"Th-that's not what I meant at all, Hapi-cha—" Dororo was blasted against the trunk of the tree as Hapipi took off, flying into the air. "Whoa…" he breathed. "Hapipi is… flying?"

* * *

_Dororo-san. He said Kululu-san cared about me._

She felt as if she was walking on water now, an entire lake of doubt. Hapipi could stare into the dark liquid, but it seemed to go on forever. She was walking across it in hopes to reach the other side. But who knew when it would break, and suddenly she would stop walking and begin to slip under, just like any normal person would if they didn't have the ability to walk on water.

_Can I really walk on water?_ she wondered. Hapipi decided to test this. Success.

"Mommy, mommy, look!" A little boy passing by grabbed his mother's hand and pointed toward the pond by the sidewalk. "There are ripples in the water but there's nothing there!"

His mother stroked his hair and said, "Of course, honey. Just like the naked blond man that appeared out of nowhere. Ready to go get ice-cream?"

"But he really _did_ appear out of nowhere!" the boy insisted. His mother dragged him away. Hapipi was left glaring at the boy.

_I bet the clumps of dirt are possessing his mind,_ she thought. _Just like they pretended to be rocks._

"Hey, Mister Rock." She turned to a rock by the pond. "Is that boy possessed?"

"N-no, he is not," the rock replied.

"Oh. Well… is he a vampire then?"

The rock shook its rock-head. "If he was, then he would have sparkled."

She furrowed her brow. "Am _I_ a vampire…?"

"Ho ho ho, I wish," said the rock.

"Are you a clump of dirt?"

The rock was silent.

"You _are_ a clump of dirt, aren't you!"

"Er… uh…." It broke out into a nervous sweat. Hapipi slammed her fist down onto the "rock" and it crumbled.

"I knew it! You were a clump of dirt all along!" Tears welled in her eyes. "I hate you! I hate all of you!" She started smiling again and blushed. "Except _him_, of course. And… definitely not Kululu-san, either." Then she remembered what Dororo said. That Kululu cared about her. _Well of COURSE Dororo-san thinks that. We're dating._ She giggled. _Heheh. Dating. That's so funny. But I still, like, wonder why Kululu-san wanted to do it._ She looked up to the sky. _Hmmm… better ask him!_

Hapipi shot off like a rocket into the air, flying once more. In a few seconds, she reached the Hinata house and went into the basement. From there, she opened the door to Kululu's lab and stepped inside.

"Hey, Kululu-san!" she called. "Kuuululu-saaaan!"

"Ku ku ku. I can hear you. What is it?" he asked her.

Hapipi cocked her head to the side. "Why are we dating?"

Kululu turned around to face the girl. His eyebrows were knit in a sign of both hurt and confusion. "What kind of question was that…? You're the one who suggested it."

"Yes, but I want to know why you agreed to do it."

He paused a moment, then turned away, blushing slightly. "No reason. I just felt like it."

"So… you just did it because I asked? And we're really super awesome terrific good happy friends?"

He was cringing now, almost in pain as it seemed, with his fingers poised slightly above his keyboard. "Y-ye—"

"Or was it just to be creepy?"

He didn't answer to this one, only stared at his monitor in silence. Hapipi walked around him and looked him in the eyes. "Well? Which one is it? Don't lie to me, Kululu-san, I _know_ you like Giroro-san!"

Kululu turned away from her again, refusing to look at her. "Ku ku ku. I already told you time and time again; _I don't like him_."

"But DO you like somebody?" she asked calmly, not once leaving the yellow frog's sight. Wherever he turned, she was always there in front of him.

Kululu started trembling. "I… um, I, uh…. Ku ku ku. Of course I don't. Honestly, do you think someone creepy like _me_ could ever love?"

"Yup!" she answered cheerfully. Kululu finally stared at her, but in shock. "Because you're sweet, and kind, and caring…. If you didn't love, I'd consider it a crime!"

"Ku ku ku… but… but, I—" His glasses cracked. _Why is she being so nice to me?_

"It's _me_ who doesn't know how to love, Kululu-san! Remember? I'm the creepy one!"

"You're not creepy," he told her.

She frowned. "Then why does everyone call me that?"

"Because they're jealous of your abilities, duh. Ku ku ku." He turned to her. "Well? Have you ever loved someone before?"

Hapipi couldn't help but laugh to this. "Of course I do, Kululu-san! You of all people should know that!"

"Oh." Kululu looked away sadly. "Never mind then. But… you just said you couldn't love."

"I—" She paused, then gave a nervous laugh. "B-but only for one person…. You know, in that friendly, submissive, my-happiness-doesn't-matter-at-all, one-sided, slave way!"

Kululu grimaced and rested his chin on his entwined fingers, laying his elbows on the computer table. "Ku ku ku. That's not love. Even an idiot would know that."

"So… I'm an idiot…?"

"No, I'm saying he's messed up your mind. Love is a… really weird feeling. Like you care about the person a whole lot, want their happiness no matter what, are devastated when they're sad or in pain, and… you want to be with them forever. And you can't get them out of you can't get them out of your mind. Even when they're putting you through torture," he said knowledgeably.

Hapipi giggled. "For someone who claims he's never felt love before, Kululu-san, you sure seem to know a lot about it!" She put a finger to her cheek. "But, like, it's so odd. That's what I feel for _you_!"

Kululu's heart skipped a beat. _Wh-wha…?_ "Y-you probably feel that way for everyone, though." _Oh, geez. Why am I stuttering all of a sudden? It's like… a Giroro!_

"Well…" She looked to the side. "…can I tell you a secret?"

"Go for it. Ku ku ku."

"I don't actually…." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't actually like everyone! I hate most of them!"

"Oh, really~?" Kululu said it almost as if he'd known all along. "Ku ku ku. That's not too surprising. You have no reason to like them."

"Oh, but I like _you_!" the girl said. "The first day I met you, I just _knew_ there was something about you that I liked!"

"Ku ku ku. I have to admit it's… it's the same here."

"See?" She smiled brightly at him, making him twitch in terror. "We _are_ friends!" With that, she left the lab happily, leaving Kululu to drown by himself in the miserable thought of:

_Oh, that girl will be the death of me._

* * *

***CoughcoughFORESHADOWINGcough cough***

**Oooh boy, you know what that was? _You know_ what it was?**

**It was a character. Being OOC. And soon, everyone will be...**


	7. A Challenge? You're On!

**Oh geez. My apologies regarding earlier on and how review-crazy I was. Wow. This is awkward.**

**CONCRETE EVIDENCE WHY THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLDS SHOULD NOT WRITE AND POST STORIES.**

* * *

Keroro was going to do it. The unspeakable. The unimaginable. The impossible. The insane. He'd cooked up a preposterous plan he couldn't go back on any longer, not when he'd gotten this far down the hallway. There would be no way of knowing whether or not he would survive, but he still had to do it nonetheless. It would take all his courage and bravery. He gave a prayer to unmade Gunpla.

And stepped inside Kululu's lab.

"Ku ku ku. Oh, are you back?" asked Kululu, mistaking the sound of the lab door opening to be Hapipi who was coming in instead of the green frog.

"Uhhh… no. It's me. Your captain," said Keroro.

"So I assume your wounds have all healed?" Kululu swiveled around in his lab chair to face his superior. The minimal light hit his glasses in such a way that Keroro couldn't even see his swirlies. The deaths rays, they blinded him.

"Yeah, actu—Wait… how'd you know about my wounds?" he asked, shielding his eyes to escape the brightness of Kululu's scary glasses.

He gave another chuckle. "It's called '_I stalk you._' "

Keroro recoiled in disgust. "Urk… too much information…. Anyway, I came here to talk to you… about Hapipi."

Kululu's glasses flashed. _Oh? Hapipi, my girlfriend? You want to talk about her, do you, now, Captain? Ku ku ku. Then let's talk,_ he wanted to say. But instead he only folded his hands in silence. _Wait for it… wait for the nagging…._

Keroro narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger into nothingness. "I don't think you're treating your girlfriend right. There's a guy out there for her, and you're not him!"

"Oh?" said Kululu. A challenge; just what he liked. _And from the Captain, of all people. What an interesting little game this is turning into KUUU~ KU KU KU KU KU KU._

"That's right." Keroro continued fuming. "And you know what? She probably doesn't even like you. She's probably using you. Manipulating you. That's right, Sergeant Major. You, the King of All Manipulators, are being controlled by an inexperienced female."

_Usually in a case like this I'd correct him,_ thought Kululu, _but not today. She really HAS manipulated me too much for my liking. Ku ku ku._ "And what's your point?" he asked.

He shook his head, sad that his yellow companion just couldn't understand. "You just aren't seizing the full opportunity of being in a relationship."

Kululu grinned. _I'm seizing more from her than you ever will._

"I'm sure that any other guy, for example, _I_… could be much more affectionate to her," Keroro continued.

"That's funny. I always took you for a homosexual," said Kululu.

He blushed. "W-well I thought you were the same, until I realized you had a girlfriend!"

"Just cut to the chase. You want to have a little competition? Who can make Hapipi more happy?"

He nodded.

Kululu narrowed his eyes. "Ku ku ku. Then so be it, Captain, I'll take you on."

* * *

Hapipi was walking down the street of Oku-Tokyo, going about her casual business. Just the usual. Switching off her anti-barrier when young children walked past. Giving them death-glares. Threatening their lives. Switching it back on when the parents came to console their kid. Laughing at the child's pain of not being believed when he or she insisted he or she saw a scary creature. You know, that kind of stuff.

At least, she WAS, until _he_ came along.

"Hapipi!"

She glanced to her left, and saw none other than Keroro with a bouquet of roses in his hand. Her eyes widened as she processed this to mean _gesture of kindness_.

"Please, Hapipi, take these flowers as a symbol of my love for you!" said Keroro.

"Um…?" She took the roses in her trembling hands. _Why is he doing this for me?_ "I—I don't understand, K-Keroro-san. Why…?"

"To show you my affection, of course!" he told her. "Well? Are you in love with me yet?"

"I—I'm sorry." She forced a smile and handed the flowers back to him. "I'm already with K-Kululu…." _Wow. This is, like, totally weird,_ she thought. _Though it's such a shame. Just when he loves me, I have to be with someone else…. Oh, well. Maybe some other day._

"B-but," Keroro sputtered, "why _Kululu_, of all people? He's such a jerk!"

"He's not a jerk!" Hapipi defended. "Kululu is very nice to me!"

"Can't _I_ be nice to you too?"

"Yes! I mean, no!" She shook her head and smiled. "That just won't work out. You have to treat me like dirt!"

"Um… why?" he asked. "That… that makes no sense."

"It's the way girls work!" she chirped, skipping off to the the Hinata house.

At the same time, Kululu was finding that he had bitten off more than he could chew.

_Damn that Keroro,_ he thought angrily. _I should have known that it would only be natural that she would choose him over me. Better check the cameras just in case._ He moved his mouse to the camera that was always monitoring his captain. It replayed the scene of Hapipi's rejection of him. Kululu's eyes widened. _Yesss! But why did she do it? He was practically throwing himself at her! Oh well, if I can make her happy in front of the Captain, maybe THEN I can get the point across that she's all mine now. Ku ku ku. This is going to be so fun~…._

And that's when the problems started arising. They filled him up, trapped him in a cage of doubt. _Oh crap, I have no idea what would make that girl happy. No, think, Kululu… there must be some way, even if she's not like normal girls…. Ku ku ku. Hmm… If __**I**__ was a girl, what would convince me that I love myself? No… wait… that wouldn't work. Ku ku ku._

It finally came to him. The first idea, anyway.

Kululu approached Hapipi, who was just nearing the Hinata house. Keroro was in view, running after them.

"Ku ku ku. Hapipi," he told the girl, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Keroro was watching (which he was), "I'd just like to tell you that, because I love you so much…" He pressed a button on a remote to summon a large vat of all his curry. "…I'm going to burn all my curry for you." He dumped a gallon of gasoline in it and set it alight. Streaks of orange, red, and yellow screamed out. The dancing flames reflected in Hapipi's shocked eyes.

"Wha…?" she muttered.

Keroro watched, dumbstruck. _H-he burned all of his curry!_

"Why would you do that, Kululu?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"Ku ku ku. I don't need curry when I have _you_, of course!" he answered.

Now they were both dumbstruck.

"Oh, Kululu!" Hapipi threw her arms around him in a fit of tears. "You didn't have to do all that just for me!"

"Because you already know that I love you?" he asked.

She was silent for a moment. "…Um… yeah!"

"Peh. I can do better than that," said Keroro. "Hapipi, because I love you so much, I won't burn my curry—I'll burn one of my subordinates!" He poked his head above the fence to the backyard and shouted, "HEY, CORPORAL! GET OVER HERE!"

Kululu started laughing uncontrollably. Well… not like that's new or anything, but…. "KU KU KU! You—you really wouldn't KU KU KU kill someone for a KUUUUU KU KU KU girl, I mean KU KU KU it would be a lot easier to just KU KU KU burn your Gundam models or KU KU KU something."

Keroro's eyes widened in horror. "Did you just suggest that I kill my own babies?"

At this, Hapipi started laughing too.

He looked at them angrily. "_What?_"

"Ku ku ku. You want to prove you like her? Watch and learn, rookie," Kululu told him. He put his arms around Hapipi and kissed her. Once more came her muffled squeal. After a while, he pulled away from her. "Come on, Hapipi. Let's go back to the lab."

"O-okay," she squeaked.

Keroro was left outside, reaching after her. "Wait—Hapipi!" he called, just before she went inside. "Wh-why not me…?"

Without even glancing over her shoulder, Hapipi responded, her voice melancholy, "Because… you would never love the real me." Keroro's eyes watered in defeat as she shut the door behind her. She sighed. _I'm sorry,_ she thought to him, _but it's true. All those years… you never accepted me for who I really was. You just wanted me to turn out the way that you wanted. And…_ She looked over at the door. Kululu took her hand and she smiled at him. They continued walking. _…and strangely, it just wouldn't be right if you loved me back…._

* * *

Giroro looked for a second over the fence. Hm. Keroro was gone. _What did he want me for?_ he wondered. Oh, well. The Corporal went back under his tent flap. His brother had promised that he would be able to talk with him today. He didn't exactly know what it was about, just that there was some information he wanted him to pass on to Keroro as well. He found his messaging device in the corner of his tent and turned it on, scrolling through the recent messages. Finally, the transmission came through.

"Hey, Giroro." Garuru's voice was a bit static-ey, what with being so far away and all. Giroro made a mental note to ask Kululu for another of the communicators. His was getting a bit old anyway.

"Hey," he said back. "What is it that you wanted to tell me?"

"Look, uh…." He heard him sigh. Giroro could already tell the seriousness of the situation. He shifted his sitting position and crossed his legs. "Our… our old man, he's…"

"Yes?"

"…um… he's… dating someone."

Giroro was in shock. Their father? _Their_ father, dating someone? "Y-you're kidding me. You can't be serious, Nii-chan."

"No, I'm pretty serious," said Garuru. "I just thought I'd… tell you, so that you won't freak out or anything when you did find out. But…" He paused. "…what's worse is who it is."

Giroro held the communicator closer to his ear, waiting for the silence to subside.

"Keroro's father."

"WHAT?!" He fell to the floor of his tent dramatically. "Okay, now I _know_ you're lying!"

"No. No, I'm not," said Garuru, just as serious as before.

"D-does the Colonel's wife know?"

"Yes, but she's fine with it," her brother answered.

Giroro understood this, remembering the time when Natsumi and Keroro's mom switched bodies, and Keroro's Mom (in Natsumi's body) was flirting with him. _Third most sickening moment of my life,_ he thought. The first most sickening was having to kiss Saburo. The second most sickening was when Tamama kissed him. "Um… thanks? I'll make sure to tell Keroro…."

"But besides that bad news… how's _your_ girlfriend doing?~" Garuru teased.

Giroro blushed. "I told you already, she's not my girlfriend… or maybe about as much as Pururu is yours."

Garuru gave a light chuckle. "Pururu and I are dating, remember?"

He was silent for a moment, then his face exploded in a bright pink. "N-Natsumi and I aren't dating though! Not… yet… at least…. Ahem. Uh…."

"Invasion been going well?" asked Garuru.

"Um… sure…. Funny story about that, actually. You know the Private First Class Hapipi that Higher-ups sent to Pekopon to monitor the progress of the invasion?"

"Uh…."

"Well, it turns out that she's dating Sergeant Major Kululu!" he told him. "It's… really weird. Super weird, actually."

"Giroro…."

"ESPECIALLY since he's actually acting really sweet around her and…. Ugh. Just glad it isn't me he likes."

"Giroro."

"But then again, I guess I can't help but feel sorry for Hapipi. I have a feeling she won't live long." He nodded to himself, knowing the torture that she was probably going through as Kululu's girlfriend.

"Giroro!"

"…What…?" he said. Giroro didn't understand. Did he say something wrong? Was he talking too much?

But what Garuru said was nothing close to what he had expected.

"Who is Hapipi?"


	8. Deadly Solution

**Gasp! Last chapter we ended on a cliffhanger! *Reread last chapter if you forgot what it was or something.* Don't worry, I PROMISE not to end on a cliffhanger THIS chapter! (Cough. Cough.)**

**I don't own Sgt. Frog in any way or form or pie~!**

* * *

The communicator slipped from Giroro's hand, cutting him off from the conversation with his brother. It landed on the side button and switched off. At once Kululu was there, his arm around the Corporal's throat and a scalpel poised at his chest. Even though Giroro could easily overpower him, and though his oxygen nor his voice was adequately blocked off, the message was clear. _Say anything and you're dead._ And if he couldn't kill him now, he would torture him in other ways….

Kululu released him and let Giroro fall to his knees, rubbing the area around his neck where the yellow frog had clutched him. "What's the meaning of this, Kululu?!" he yelled. "Nii… Garuru said that there is no Hapipi! Explain yourself!"

"Ku ku ku. Why should I?" he asked, pacing around the tent that was larger on the inside than out. "Okay, you caught me. Hapipi is a robot that I built. Satisfied?"

"Th-that's not true! That doesn't make any sense! Besides," said Giroro, standing back up, "what gain would you have in pretending to have a girlfriend?"

"Hmm… to tick off Tororo, perhaps?" He shrugged.

"Believable, but… I know it's not true." Giroro glared at him. "So? Why is it? Is Hapipi even real?"

"If she wasn't, would that pretty much be admitting to yourself that you hallucinate?" he said.

He balled his hands into fists. "I do not hallucinate! Besides, everyone else can see her too. So what is she? A hologram? A trick?"

"No. Ku ku ku." Kululu pushed his glasses up his nonexistent nose. "Your Nii-chan just doesn't know about her because Headquarters hasn't notified him, that's all."

"Grr…. Don't joke with me! Garuru's a First Lieutenant. If there's something that's going on with the Keroro Platoon and HQ, he would know."

"Ku ku ku. Maybe he was just too busy playing with his rubber duckies when the transmission came through."

"He does not—Ugh. I hate you," Giroro growled bitterly.

"Yes, yes. I love you too, Corporal. Have fun telling yourself things that aren't true," Kululu chuckled, departing from the red tent. He poked his head back out and added, "Just remember, Senpai, tell anyone and all the blackmail you consider yourself having will soon be in the clutches of a certain Pekoponian….~"

Giroro grimaced. _Damn this stupid crush._

Once Kululu had left, he picked back up his communicator and sat down.

_Darn it. Still not working,_ he thought as it failed to turn back on. _But I wonder what Nii-chan meant when he asked who Hapipi was. It would have been understandable… had not Kululu threatened me. So… really… this is Kululu's fault. Wow._ He stifled a laugh. _If he hadn't come to threaten me, I would suspect anything. But now that he has…._ Giroro burst out laughing. Then he stopped.

He knew what this meant suddenly. Kululu was hiding something about his girlfriend. Why? Maybe she wasn't actually real. But he seemed to be pretty defensive about it. Something was definitely wrong… _and I'm going to find out what,_ thought the Corporal. _But how will I find out more if I can't tell anyone what's going on?_

He looked up at the clock in his tent. It was almost time for the invasion meeting. _And Keroro will be late as usual._ He decided he'd better get going so he could yell at his commander a bit for showing up late.

And Giroro, as always, was the first one there. He took a seat in his usual spot and started polishing a weapon to kill time. Eventually Dororo swooped down out of nowhere, then Tamama (whose wounds had healed), and finally Kululu came in with Hapipi in hand.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to monitor your invasion meeting," said the silver Keronian.

Giroro grunted. "Fine with us. You'll just have to talk it over with—"

"GEROOO!" Keroro burst through the doors just at that moment. His eyes were sparkling as he walked up to his podium. "I made it! I actually came on time!"

"If fifteen minutes late counts as on-time for you, then I guess you are," said Giroro.

He slapped his papers down on the desk and looked to the platoon with beaming eyes. "Oh? Hapipi, you're here for the invasion meeting today?"

"Yes, I am. Do you mind? Headquarters said your invasion meetings would be an important part to monitor," she spoke.

"Gero, I guess you're right," said Keroro. "In that case, we shall proceed. Today, the invasion meeting…"

His commander kept on speaking, but Giroro didn't hear a single word. All he could process was how Hapipi said HQ wanted her to monitor the invasion meetings. _But what if she isn't even __**from**__ HQ?_ he wondered.

Keroro finished speaking of his plan at last. He turned to Hapipi for feedback. "Well? How awesome was THAT?"

She frowned for a second, looking concerned. "Oh, it's a very nice concept and all… but how do you honestly expect _all_ the Pekoponians to be wearing leather pants at the same moment?"

"I… don't… know," said Keroro. "Thank you, Private First Class. You have pointed out a flaw in my design that know one else in this room has noticed."

They all started snickering, because the "flaw", of course, was an obvious one.

"Also," continued Hapipi, "do you really think that a leather-magnet's force would be able to accelerate at such a rate that it would be able to magnetize both the leather pants _and_ the wearer? And continuity aside, suppose it is a really windy day, and there is a breeze that would interfere with the reception of the magnetic waves, causing all leather pants and their wearers to be completely unaffected? And, if it works for leather pants, why not leather shoes or leather hats as well? And is a leather-magnet even possible to make? I mean, just think about it."

Keroro stared back at her dumfoundedly. "Wow… you're… right…" he muttered. "And… smart."

"Thank you, but that doesn't really matter much right now. What's important is thinking logically. In the case that all your plans are failing, what do you think the problem is?"

"Um… Giroro?"

"Well, yes, but the _other_ problem is how you seem to overlook the smallest and yet the most important details of your plans. If you continue to depict such behavior, then it's no wonder all your plans are failing." She took a breath. "Whoa, I lost myself there for a second! Please excuse me."

"Ku ku ku. That was well-put, Hapipi," said Kululu.

"Um… yeah, I… have to… agree," Keroro told her. "I guess Kululu's genius rubbed off on you, what with you being his girlfriend and all…."

"No, she just has natural talent. Ku ku ku."

_Wow,_ thought Hapipi. _I can say anything I want… and I won't get in trouble!_

Tamama shuffled angrily in his seat.

"Gero? Private, you all right? You look like you need to use the restroom," said Keroro.

The blue tadpole gave a nervous laugh. "Ahahaha, it's nothing. I was just… trying to itch… my chair leg…."

"Ok-ay… you are officially crazy," he said. Tamama looked disappointed.

_Someday he'll see,_ he promised himself. _Someday…. It can't go on forever, after all._ He glared at Hapipi. _I swear I'll expose you, someday. But you just keep being with the Sergeant Major and it'll be aaallll right._

The invasion meeting finished quickly, due to the low level of motivation the author had to write the rest of the scene. Kululu and Hapipi had left long ago, to what the platoon could only assume would be make-out in a closet. Keroro packed up his papers and started leaving, when Giroro stopped him on his way out.

"Hey, Keroro," he whispered, "have you noticed anything… up with Hapipi?"

"Not really, no," he answered. Tamama snickered from behind them. Keroro furrowed his brow. "_What_? Is something funny, Private?"

"Gunso-san, say something about Hapipi!" he giggled.

"Um…" He thought a moment. "…Kululu… really likes her?"

Tamama keeled over on the floor, laughing his head off.

"Tamama-kun! That is not funny," said Dororo. "I think it is very sweet, how much Kululu-dono cares for her."

This only made him laugh more.

"What? What's so funny? Seriously, Private, you can't do this to us!" Keroro waved his hands frantically in the air, trying to get the Private to speak. He only kept laughing.

"But—if I—tell you—" he said between giggles, "—then—I'll—_die_—and not—from—laughter! Hee, heee! Ha ha ha ha haha! You're all so stupid! Haha. Ha." Tamama wiped some tears from his eyes and stood back up. "This is the best day of my life, even if I'm probably not going to live very long."

"What?" said Keroro. "P-private, where are you going?"

The floor under his subordinate's feet began to sink, and slowly Tamama disappeared into the floor to await his torture. A hole was left in the ground where the tadpole once stood. Keroro gripped the edges and screamed into it. "PRIIIIIIIVAAAAAAAATE! CAN! YOU! HEAR ME?"

They heard a brief scream come from the bottom of the hole… then nothing.

"It was a noble sacrifice," spoke Dororo, who they had forgotten was there.

"Oh. Hey, Dororo." Giroro turned around to face him. "Have _you_ noticed anything that's up with Hapipi?"

"Other than the engagement, no." Dororo quickly clamped his hands over his already-covered mouth. "Whoops… she probably didn't want me to tell you gu—"

"HAPIPI'S MARRYING KULULU?" Keroro screamed. Giroro just looked plain grossed-out.

Dororo shook his head. "No, not Kululu. It seems that her father's arranged for her to marry someone else." He hung his head in grief. "Just one moment. I must apologize to Hapipi for violating her trust."

Giroro and Keroro stared at each other in silence as Dororo left in his ninja-like manner.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Corporal?" said Keroro. Giroro nodded. "That's right. Hapipi is marrying a rock."

"Actually… I was thinking that Hapipi's father doesn't approve of her relationship with Kululu, so he's trying to get her to get together with someone else." He shrugged. "That, or they're using the excuse of an arranged marriage to cover up the fact that she's going to an asylum."

"Hmmm… the second one sounds very plausible, my dear Corporal," said Keroro.

"P-please don't call me that…."

"But I do believe that it might be the first one instead," he finished.

Though down in a deep dark lab, things were different….

"Can I leave now?" begged Tamama, after getting his limbs put on backward and his organs pulled inside-out. Kululu and Hapipi nodded, and the newly-deformed creature stumbled to the lab door. He pushed it aside and passed Dororo, who gave him a frightened glance but said nothing.

"Ku ku ku. Well, what a surprise to see _you_ here, Lance Corporal," Kululu greeted, folding his hands calmly into his lap.

"I came to speak with Hapipi," he told him. She pulled him aside, but Kululu made sure to listen in.

Dororo bowed to her. "Please forgive me, Hapipi-dono. I accidentally told Keroro and Giroro of your engagement."

Hapipi and Kululu both twitched.

"Wait, WHAT?" said Kululu, scrambling into the conversation. "What did he just say, Hapipi?"

"Um…." She bit her lip awkwardly.

"K-Kululu, dono, you didn't know?" Dororo asked him. He slowly shook his head.

The ninja's shoulders slumped, for now he felt worse than ever for not only spilling the secret to Keroro and Giroro, but now Kululu, as well.

"Engagement to _whom_?" Kululu asked her.

She looked away from him and mumbled, "M-my brother…."

"Your _what_?" yelled Dororo. "That is incest! Pure incest! I will not tolerate it!"

Kululu turned to him. "Would you mind leaving?"

"Not at all. Please forgive me," he said, getting up to leave. Once he was out of view, Kululu turned back to face Hapipi.

"You're engaged to your brother? Really?"

She nodded.

He gave a sigh. "So… that's why you went along with this, isn't it…? I was wondering why you'd suggest such a thing." He brushed a hand across his forehead in exasperation. "I guess now I know…."

"I'm sorry, Kululu-san! But I just _had_ to do it," she explained. "I figured that if I told Father I was dating someone, especially someone that everyone thinks is a jerk, then he would hold off the wedding for a couple, maybe hundred, years or so. And then I would be able to continue my romance with _him_!" She flashed him an innocent smile.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Then why didn't you just pretend to be dating _him_?"

The smile faded. "He would never agree to that…." They both stood there in silence for a moment, until she said, "Hey, Kululu-san."

"What?"

"Do you promise that you'll stay with me forever? Even when I marry Brother?"

"Ku ku ku. Sure."

"Because I can't bring you with me, you know. Do you really promise? Will you stay with me after death, too?"

"Yes…. Where are you going with this…?" he asked, sounding suspicious.

"Good." Hapipi smiled brightly again, and then it turned into a grin of evil as she took out a knife. Kululu swallowed in fear. _Oh, no…!_

Dororo's hand finally reached the doorknob. _Phew. Who would have known that simply walking to the door of a lab would take so long?_ he wondered. Someplace farther down in the lab, he almost thought he heard Kululu scream, "Please, don't do this!" He shut his eyes and smiled from under his mask. _It sounds like they're having fun in there. Better not upset them._ He heard the sound of something splattering on the lab floor. Something, a body, it sounded like, fell to the ground. As he shut the door quietly behind him, he caught what he assumed to be the last four words of their conversation.

"I… love you, Kululu-san…."

_Wait a minute…._ Dororo's eyes widened in horror. _I think… Hapipi just killed Kululu-dono!_

* * *

**Whoops, it appears I accidentally broke my promise in the beginning of the chapter….**


	9. Hapipi's Revelations

**This chapter will be written in Hapipi's POV, because it's the chapter that we get into her mind~. Also, there won't be as much dialogue, and I'm always uneasy with writing long non-dialogue scenes in third-person because I feel like I'm putting words in their mouth. (Well... duh.) I also feel that if I'm describing what a person is thinking, it feels more like telling than showing. SOOO….**

**Also, it's my favorite chapter :3 You'll see why. It was the most fun to write, too.**

* * *

Time is drawing nearer. I can feel it. It drips from the walls. It melts on my skin. Soon, the wedding shall come and I will have to leave you. My only friend…. When the day comes that I wed my brother, we will have to part separate ways. I may never even see you again. It feels so right, and yet so wrong.

I almost find it funny. All my life I've seen people leave me, walking out when I need them. And when I finally find someone who I can trust will never leave… I'm the one that's going to leave _you_. That's funny, isn't it, Kululu?

Don't even try to deny it. You run in terror of me. You call me names. You tell me to leave you alone. And yet I can tell, deep down, that you want my company.

And why? Because you, my dear friend, are just like me.

And yet I will never be like your kind… nor my own.

They hate me. Turned their backs on me. Told me I was a monster. My own father even tried to get rid of me. And now he is doing it once more, by forcing me to wed my brother. I will wed him. We will have children and repopulate our race. And then I will die. Then, someday in the far, far, future, I will be reborn as one of the very children I worked with my brother to repopulate. And then I'll die again. And repeat.

After death, I'll lose all my memories of you. All the times we shared. I'll lose my memories of everybody. Even him….

They all think it's romance that I'm after. They take me for an airhead just pursuing a boy, and I suppose I am. An airhead…. I'm worthless, aren't I? Funny that you're the only one who thinks otherwise. I admit that perhaps I've had my fantasies. I was foolish enough to wish for a hope that would never come. All my moments with him turned into unnatural dreams, over-exaggerations that never transpired. Now my mind is lost and I have tumbled long since into a false reality created by the very tears I once shed.

If it breaks, then what am I to do? People will see me for who I truly am, and they won't accept me. They'll discard me, deem me as useless, treat me as trash. So maybe it is romance that I'm after… because I never learned what a friend was. The only term that was used for a relationship that I'd ever heard of was romance, and so that's what I went for.

But maybe, now that I have had a small taste of what it's like to have a friend, maybe I don't even need the romance…. Perhaps I have mistaken my desires all this time, and thought that because I just wanted someone to be there for me, I wanted romance. But no. All I've really wanted was a friend.

I had one, once. It was long ago in my childhood. Due to certain situations I'd found myself in, I had attempted suicide too many times…. That was the day with the scissors. And then that blue Keronian came, and handed me a rose, saying, "Let's be friends forever." That was the birth of my first friend.

Shame I never saw him again after that.

But just that rose, that one simple rose, gave me hope. It was because of the rose that I realized there was someone who actually cared out there, someone kind enough to take pity on such a monster like myself. Why did he do it? _Was_ it pity? Or did he understand what it felt like to be hated and despised by all? Just in that one day, I blossomed with determination that I would see things through to the end. The scissors were discarded, new steps were taken. I promised myself that I would keep myself alive because of that rose.

But that rose, just like all other plants, eventually wilted and died. Even someone like myself would not have been able to keep it alive. Still, it lived on as a memory in my mind… as well as in my heart.

As a child, I never had anything of my own. There was really only one purpose I ever had, and I violated even that. For the sins I had committed, I was punished. My father gave me a second chance eventually, but I haven't yet fulfilled that yet, either, as you may recall, Kululu. The only thing I ever held dear to me had long since wilted. And the only one I thought I loved hated me because he was sent to break my spirit, make sure I would never be a threat again. I would no longer go against the will of my master.

That was when I met you. You hated me at first, but soon, quite slowly, we became friends…. We laughed together. We cried together. We caused pain together. You accepted me. You held me when I had nightmares. You comforted me whenever _he_ made me feel down. I'd even say you like me a bit. And for the first time in my entire life, I had found something that I wanted to protect, something which I held close to me. So now, you are my possession. I will own you. I will claim you for my own. With you as the only thing I care about anymore, I will not let anyone take you away from me.

Kululu… you are now my purpose.

I have violated it again. Violated my purpose. Living for someone is not something which I was meant to do. And still, I feel compelled to do it. But now I am doing it for the wrong one.

You think that I like someone else. I know that. And I do. He may frighten me. He may push me around. He may have tried to exercise me a couple of times when I was a child. But I owe him for being so nice to my father, even when I was being a horrible child. He put up with me and I don't know how, or at least that's the way Father put it. So no matter how much he hates me, I am utterly dedicated to make him happy no matter what.

And yet you tell me it's wrong. Why? Why is it so bad to make someone happy? You keep telling me that I'm not doing what makes me happy, but making _him_ happy IS my happiness! And if he were sad, then I would know it would be entirely my fault. I know that he will never love me back, and that's okay. He and I both know that I don't deserve to love… and I never will, because after my childhood, I know I am not allowed to express emotion.

So I won't. However anyone wants me to act, I will. Whatver they want me to do, I'll do. As long as I won't be a problem for them, that is what makes me happy.

You tell me that happiness doesn't work that way, but you're wrong. If I don't do exactly as they say, then they'll get angry at me. If I just pretend like I'm happy, isn't that the same thing? Does it really matter what I'm feeling on the inside if what I'm acting like on the outside is what everyone else wants me to be?

But once again, you tell me it isn't right. You tell me I have to be happy on the inside, too. But how? _How_ do I make myself happy on the inside? I never learned how to do that….

And then you taught me. You taught me in such an amazing way that I still don't quite understand. You didn't even have to say anything for me to learn. It was almost as if we read each others' thoughts. Because, as I soon found out, being friends with you… is what made me happy on the inside.

I don't know why. Is it a bad thing that we're friends? You seem hostile and cold to me when we're around others, but in private you seem quite caring and friendly. Is it because you wanted friends too? I wasn't quite sure, so I read your diary. I hope you don't mind.

But in that case, if we are friends, as you say, then why is it that we are both happy? It doesn't seem like my romance with _him_ is coming from both sides. Is friendship different? Does it come from two sides all the time? But romance… only has one side… right? How many sides? Three? Because a square has three sides. But what about romance? Is romance the same thing as a square? Is there really any difference at all between friendship and romance?

Then you tell me that the romance is at its fullest from both sides, but everywhere I look, that's not the case. Giroro and Natsumi. Fuyuki and Momoka. Tamama and Keroro. Koyuki and Natsumi. Natsumi and Saburo. Me and _him_….

One day I had a horrible thought, and I hated myself for it. It was when I was in one of those… how you call… good moods? Ah, yes. It was then that I had that terrible thought. _Who needs romance when you have a friend?_

At once, I hated myself for it. It couldn't be true; it really was romance that I wanted most. But… whenever I'm with _him_… it just doesn't quite feel… like my insides are okay. Whenever I'm with him, I always want to go back to being with you. And then when I do, I want to feel caught in the moment, wishing that it will never end.

But that's another thing that will never happen, us staying together forever. Because as long as _he_ needs me, I will stay by his side no matter what. You don't need me that much, do you? I mean… nobody _needs_ to have a friend… right…?

If we weren't friends, what would you do?

What would _I_ do? Where would I go?

But if _he_ didn't need me… I would go to you. If neither of you needed me, all I would have to do would be find someone else who needed me, and it would be all better.

I would miss you, though.

I'm sure you would miss me, too.

It wouldn't be able to last forever. Even if he was truly happy, I probably wouldn't be. It's kind of like what you said about inner happiness. True happiness will last forever, until the ends of time. True sadness can't.

Because the sadness, soon enough, will take over. It will search for a way to end it all. I should know.

You are the only one that gives me inner happiness. It is you that makes the flower of my heart bloom. So I want to stay with you and be happy forever. I want to make you mine. I want to chain you.

But I cannot stay with you forever. Soon, Father will take me away and I will be married to Brother. So you were wrong. True happiness doesn't last forever; you just think it does until it subsides to sadness once more. It all spins around in a never-ending carousel of agony, this thing called life.

And now I have realized the solution. I can just bring you with me.

Night comes. I approach you in the darkness of the lab, a knife gleaming in my hand. Don't worry, Kululu. This won't hurt a bit. All I'm going to do is cut you up a little. And soon, I'll have your bones… all… to… myself. I back you against a corner. There's no escaping~.

Sure, you won't be able to speak afterward, and maybe you'll be a lifeless carcass, but at least father will be okay with that. And then you won't be able to leave me, either. Come here, Kululu…. Don't run away!

I see you clench your fists in fear. "Please, don't do this," you're begging me. Behind your glasses, I can see the hurt in your eyes. But why? Why are you angry? We'll be together forever this way! Please, Kululu, just listen—

"If you do this," you tell me, "then how will I speak with you? How will I erase the pain? Do you want to go on living with your best friend dead?"

"It—it's not like you're going to disappear," I insist.

"Yes, but my heart will," you say.

I shake my head. "No, I'll have your heart with me too! I'll keep it in a jar, I _promise_!"

I don't wait for you to respond. I swing the knife above my head, about to bring it down into your flesh, when—

It came. _What is this odd feeling?_ I wonder. Like… _I'm_ the one in pain.

My heart gives a lurch, and I drop the knife. I can't do it. I just can't do it. I can't hurt Kululu, even if it means we won't be together forever. I clutch my throbbing chest and let out a cry. A plate of curry nearby falls and splatters to the floor. My knees give way, letting me fall to the ground.

"You all right?" you ask, rushing to my side. Just like always. Whenever I'm in pain, or feeling lonely, it was always you who pulled me aside and comforted me. I have so much to thank you for all those times… and yet I've completely neglected you for someone else….

"I'm fine," I say, and give your cheek a gentle stroke. You smile, and the light catches your green eyes behind those glasses of yours. I remember how I used to squirt flaming citric acid and other painful toxins into your eyes. I've always enjoyed hurting you. But how could I ever kill someone I… I…? "I… love you, Kululu-san…" I whisper, before falling back into your arms in a faint.

Right before I slip out of consciousness, I hear you whisper back those five words that confirms it all. I wish it could last forever. Caught in the moment, you could say.

"I love you, too…" You hug my body tightly. "…Mois."


	10. Kululu's Revelations

**Blah blah blah, will I ever stop talking in these author's notes?**

**The answer is no.**

**Anyway, stuff happened and Hapipi magically took voicing lessons of magic wonder or something like that. And as to why she's acting slightly psychotic, well, she's Angol Mois, and does those sorts of things. I... think?**

**This chapter is in Kululu's POV, and in sync with last chapter.**

* * *

Tension fills the air. It leaks from you, seeping from your eyes. You are trying to hide the stress, but there's no fooling me. Your face gives it all away. And I well know why. It's the wedding, isn't it? Makes sense. You've destroyed the rest of your kind, so now your father wants you to repopulate it with the only other existing male of your species…. Well, besides himself.

I'd help you if I could, of course. I've talked to your father before. That meteor sent in a collision with Pekopon? You can thank me for that. I know a lot about him. He set high expectations for his daughter, who violated them by murdering most of her own species. He punished her by locking her in a closet and letting her be found by a Keronian who was all too willing to carry out her penalty.

It's thanks to the Captain that you turned out to be how you are today. I'm not sure exactly what happened between the two of you in your childhood, but you've muttered enough about being tied to stakes and exercised while you were sleeping for me to fill in the blanks. Don't try to fool a guy like me. I'm not here to play games. Ku ku ku. At least not the kind YOU'RE thinking of.

I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. But as long as I'm thinking all this and no one's listening, I might as well get it all out when I can.

The first time I met you, I thought you were the most annoyingly airheaded pest in the entire universe. No offense or anything. But as they say, looks can be deceiving. I tried to avoid you when I could. Happy people and I don't bode well together. It was for both of our own safety that I would have nothing to do with you, ever. So I was even more ticked off when the Captain assigned you onto the tech team with me. What was he trying to do, get your spirit broken even more? If so… ku ku ku… he thought of the right guy.

But perhaps not. As you may know, the Captain knows nothing about me. Which is only to be expected, as I have planned. Nobody knows about me. They all take me for a jerk, so by all means, they should continue thinking of me like that.

Anyway, that day was my day of dread. Most people would have taken an opportunity like that to get to know you, but not me. I didn't even want to harness the opportunity to dissect you. I just wanted you to… not be there. Too happy. Too bright. Too sparkly. There was no quirk to you, nothing I would connect with. And even if there was, I…. Let's just say I wanted to stay clear of any "friends" for a while.

But you seemed different. You acted friendly to me. Friendly. _Why are you being so nice to me?_ I wondered. _I'm a monster. Stay away from me. You'll just turn out like everyone else._ Still, you persisted. You would not treat me like all the others did, and I couldn't figure out why. I assured myself, _Well, duh. You act this way toward everyone. It's not like I'm any different from them in your mind._

I tried to ignore you, knowing that you were just a bad egg of some sort. Sooner or later, you would hate me just like all the rest. But you didn't, which somehow made _me_ hate _you_ instead. I told myself you were only playing with my mind, manipulating my feelings.

I would have schemed, would have plotted, but frankly, it didn't seem worth it to waste my talent on you. And then I saw some of yours. When I soon learned about your speedy typing and expert hacking, I began to consider if the Captain had put the two of us on a team for a reason. But no, it was probably because he wanted me to torture you. That, or he wanted you to better my attitude. Well, that one sure backfired. Ku ku ku.

I soon got angry. In rage. That blasted J-word, even…. Jealous. I thought, _What dumbass put these talents in such a useless airhead?_ It just gave me all the more reason to hate you. I would become better, I knew it. I would dominate over all of you, because if I didn't… then there would really be no reason for me to stick around.

I'm used to it by now, though. It's always been that way. People use me for my rare abilities. They don't want me for anything else. In elementary school, they bullied me for being better than them. Smarter. But not stronger. Not enough to take the pain. So I did the only thing I could.

I eradicated my emotions, and killed them all.

Emotions are a hindrance. I guess that's at least that was one thing we both agree on. Those who express emotion are more prone to actually feeling them, but those who don't are safe. Those who have no emotions will never feel anything, will never care about anyone… will never have feelings that one could use against them. With someone like me, who has no emotions, I made my way to the top of the ladder.

But now that I am at the top, it will be all the more painful if I fall. …And that's just what I did.

It's because of you, you know. Thank yourself for that. I teetered at the top at first, unsure of how I felt. Before I knew it I was clinging for dear life. It was only recently that I've accepted the truth and let myself plummet. And I'm afraid I still am.

I used to despise you, so much. If there was something in this world that I hated, it was you. And why? Because you were so happy all the time, of course. Maybe I was angry. I won't admit that I was jealous. For you, it seemed as though there was nothing that would make you sad. It seemed that there was no way you could hate any person in this universe, living or dead. And still you destroyed their planets with your ever-so-winning smile.

Every moment you existed, it sickened me.

Every moment you lived on this planet, I wished you away.

Every moment you took a breath, I secretly hoped you'd breathe in poison.

Every moment you smiled, I immediately looked away.

Every time you stared at me, I ignored your presence.

Every time you sparkled… I could just swear you did it on purpose to see me in pain.

And yet… when you didn't do all those things, that was when I was unhappiest of all.

That still doesn't excuse you for sparkling, though.

I couldn't help being curious. I couldn't help wondering why you kept smiling, even when killing people and having the Captain push you around like a hunk of garbage. Were you shielding the pain? Or were you just naturally happy? I was confused and unsure, and for the first time in my life, I had to admit that you were doing a better job of not letting people see inside of you than I was.

I tried to get close to you, tried to learn your secrets. All you did was flash me that awful smile and spurt something about llamas dancing on railroads. At that point, I almost gave up. You really were a master of deception. You could fool anyone with that mask of yours, anyone… but me.

The brilliance of your plan was that you are allowed to express feelings, as well. If I suddenly started feeling things out of the blue, nobody would believe me. You, however, could pretend to care as much as you want but in reality not care about a thing.

I guess that's another thing we have in common, then. We both don't really care.

And yet we were polar opposites. I was a jerk, you were a… what _were_ you? I can't really call you an angel, because you kill people. Ah. You were a demon. A very innocent and kind demon. The only difference you have from being that and me is that I'm a very tainted and evil demon. There, is that better?

But still, behind all my hate for you, there was just something lying there… the feeling that I somehow wanted to get to know you….

And as fast as that thought had entered my head, I locked it away just as quickly. I set it behind bars, which only made it worse as it endlessly rattled against them, begging to be released. I would have put it in the electric chair, but one can't really do that to his or her thoughts. So all I could do was wait for it to starve in its dank and lonely jail cell.

It was at about the time that we had our encounter with Asami that that… pitiful thought finally reached its expiration. Instead other ones came to replace it. Joy. These thoughts were different, though. They were that I didn't need to get to know you, and instead I _already_ knew you. Knew you better than anyone did. And it was weird, because I didn't, and I knew that. But I felt as if we had… almost a connection between us, and that was the most absurd thought of all, because there was practically nothing that we had in common! Well… other than the two I have previously mentioned….

But I didn't welcome these thoughts, or the feelings that came with them. I just wanted to lock them away and continue living my own life, being the jerk I was. You had invaded my mind and for that I would never forgive you. Right, that's another thing added to the list.

Every time you came into my thoughts, I clung to the hope that I'd be able to take you back out.

I hardly ever could. When I finally managed to do so, you only came right back. Why? What had I ever done to you? I hadn't ever experimented on you, of all people, and that is saying something! So why would you ever feel the need to occupy my thoughts?

You were plotting something, and I knew it.

There had to be a reason I kept thinking about you. Immediately I thought the obvious, that it was because you were a rival. For… something. But whatever it was, I would have to exceed you in it. I would dominate. And then I began to think it was because I hated you, hated you so much that I couldn't help but think every second of how much I hated you. And whenever you left me, I only thought about you more because I was daydreaming of all the ways I would torture you.

And then… slowly… you started doing small things, strange bits of action that my mind did not accept but my body felt all… _warm_ and fuzzy about. It was weird and unwelcoming, and I didn't like it. But eventually, I began desiring your presence more and more. You made me feel a strange way that… gives me the strangest idea that… I wouldn't rather be anywhere else than with you….

Stupid, I know. I assured myself it would only be temporarily. A little cerebral tweaking and I'd be good to go, back to my normal self. And then I'd get revenge on you for doing all those things….

But it was funny. Whenever I considered hurting you, it pained _me_ instead. Why me? What does my pain have to do with yours? What I had been spiraling into only got more and more confusing with each day.

I eventually began to accept my condition. It must have been some sort of disease, after all. Going by that logic, none of it was my doing. Under the impression that my feelings were unnatural, I welcomed the thoughts in a pit of denial.

It was a bad idea. No sooner did _that_ day come than was I completely content with the way I felt. It was the day that I got bored (as always) and decided to mess with peoples' lives a little. Just the usual. Dumping toxic waste into the Hinatas' backyard. Hacking into Natsumi's Animal Crossing. Stalking you in the…. NOT stalking you in the shower. They wanted to challenge me, get to the source and exterminate it. In other words, they wanted me to stop. Each of them tried their luck, and each failed.

And then they sent _you_ in. You, of all people! Did they honestly think you'd do any good against me?

They had no faith in you. You went in by yourself. Did you know? Did you know that by that point, you were becoming my weakness? _They_ certainly couldn't have known, for if they did, they would have used you much sooner. And still you came smiling and skipping to my lab of doom, watching curiously over my shoulder as I assembled machinery and tried desperately not to stare into your overwhelmingly… sparkly… eyes. You would merely stare at me, saying nothing, not even asking what I was making. I hated your stare. I hated your eyes. I hated everything about you. _Why are you paying so much attention to me?_ I had thought at the time. _Why now, of all times? I don't need you here._ But somehow, somewhere deep down inside me, another thought arose. One very unlike the others. _I wouldn't rather be anywhere else._

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take this thought. Everything was too confusing, too unreal, too sparkly. It was as if you had put chains around… some place in my chest, hindering me from being how I used to be. At once I collapsed in the doorway of my lab, pleading for you to stop. You really will be the death of me someday.

But it was also that day when I realized the most horrific truth of them all.

_This is no disease. What I'm feeling is completely natural._

And I also realized how I felt.

I'll be blunt with you. I never, ever, thought of you as a friend. I never wanted to be yours. I don't know how in the world you got that idea in your mind, because I certainly, absolutely, definitely do not think of you as a friend. And I never want to be your friend. All my life I'd wanted a friend, but when the first true opportunity arose, it was no longer what I wanted.

Little did I know, I had already fallen in love with you.

I admit, it does make me feel a tad bit guilty, though. It's just that whenever you mention that awful 'just-friends' word, I always crack. I can't help it. I don't even care anymore if it makes me like… like _him_. But whenever you act so happy when you do the Captain's chores, it pisses me off. Clearly, I am much nicer to you. (In private, at least. No one needs to know what I think about you in public.) So why don't you act as happy around me?

It's only to be suspected, I suppose. But even still, you're not like all the others. You're different. Everyone else, despite my abilities, frowns upon me for surpassing them. You're the only one to disregard those features and see me for who I truly am.

It wasn't always like this, though. Back then, in training school, it was just me and the rest of the children. They all hated me… or most of them, at least. A few were brave enough to work up the courage to ask to be my friend. Always someone else. Never me asking them. I was always too shy of a child. Because I had never had any friends before, I didn't know how to deal with friendship. Foolishly, I considered murdering the boy's parents. That makes friends, right? Right?

I did just that. It was the wrong choice. Soon after, the boy swore revenge on me and became another of my constant bullies. That's why I refrain from friendship. I swore I'd never make another friend again.

There was only one time that I broke that promise to myself. It was another time in my childhood. I happened to meet a little girl, around my age, attempting to stab herself with a pair of scissors. She didn't quite look Keronian, but I don't really care for such details. Tears were spilling from her eyes and I could tell she was desperate to escape it all. And for the first time, I think, I actually comforted someone. Correctly. I handed her a rose, promising that we'd be friends forever.

But of course, such promises can't be true. I never saw the girl again after that. She had probably died, no doubt, seeing as she was about to commit suicide when I had seen her. But for the brief moment that we had met, I felt as if I had actually made a friend. There was this funny feeling in my chest, and I couldn't' stop thinking about her. The only reason I made it through training school was because of the thought that someday, somewhere, I would see her again.

That girl was my first crush.

I still remember her today. But what happened in the past no longer matters. I eventually got over her and accepted the fact that she wasn't going to come back. Then I met you and… well… you know how that went.

But you, I understand, had slightly similar past experiences. I know that you had a harsh childhood with the Captain. You've told me before, and although I'm flattered you can trust me well enough to share memories you've tried to lock away, it still tears me in two to hear of the things he'd done to you. Sometimes I wonder how you even made it through all that. Was there hope for you, too? What was it?

Hope is a funny thing. The minute it leaves, another flame slowly flickers into the darkness, or at least most of the time it does. It is our choice whether to accept it or brush the flame away.

To me, you are no flame. You have long surpassed that. However much I may dislike the idea, you have become my entire sunshine. If I was a flower, you'd be the only thing keeping me from wilting. (That and water, which is curry. Ku ku ku. Just joking.)

This bliss cannot last forever, though. Who would have known that having light in one's life could also be their possible downfall? I tried to lock it away, tried to hide it, and most of the time I succeeded. There was only one who managed to see through my plan. And who it was… was the most ironic of them all.

Corporal Giroro.

_Him_, of all people! The very one who happened to fall for a girl so dense, he managed to find out about _my_ feelings, as well! Lady Fate is indeed a prankster. If I denied the truth, it'd only make him suspect me more. But I couldn't give up. I couldn't let go of my place at the ladder so soon. So I did the only thing a creeper like myself could do in such a situation.

I pretended to like him instead, to throw him off-track. But what's even more surpsing is that it worked. Hmm… I certainly didn't expect that…. Oh, well. I guess he IS an idiot, after all. Ku ku ku.

And still, I knew I couldn't hide my feelings for long, especially from you. So when you suggested that we pretended to date, I was overjoyed with the idea. _This is brilliant. I could get so close to you and no one would know, nor could the Captain take you away._

Call me selfish. I don't care. The only thing I wanted was for you to be mine. Even if we were faking it, I still had my fun.

Then I found out about what this was all about. You wanted to pretend to be in a relationship with me to avoid marrying your brother.

This ruins everything. All my plans have been torn apart. If you go and run off with your brother, what am I supposed to do? Are you going to leave me just when I've actually began accepting my own feelings for you?

I know it's not your fault, and it really isn't. But I just wish that moments we had spent together could have lasted forever… and I wish that, maybe once, you'd have loved me back….

Ku ku ku. But those aren't things that someone like me should be wasting his hopes on. They're doomed to never happen.

Still, you've cornered me. I have no idea what to do now….

You have other plans, though. I don't even need to guess what they are.

Night comes. You approach me in the darkness of the lab, a knife gleaming in your hand. The unstable look in your eyes says it all. Oh, no. Please don't tell me that you're actually going to….

I clench my fists in fear. "Please, don't do this," I beg you. "If you do this, then how will I speak with you? How will I erase the pain? Do you want to go on living with your best friend dead?"

I know this is sure to get you. You've always wanted others to need you, but never considered what you needed yourself. You need me, I know it. And I…

"It—it's not like you're going to disappear," you insist.

…need _you_.

"Yes, but my heart will," I say.

You shake your head. "No, I'll have your heart with me too! I'll keep it in a jar, I _promise_!" I wince. That doesn't even _sound_ fun.

You don't wait for me to respond. You swing the knife above your head, about to bring it down into my flesh, when suddenly you stop. It's as if you're considering something. I blink back at you, not using your moment of hesitation as an opportunity to flee, but instead wondering what's going on.

You lurch, as if someone's punched you in the gut. The knife clatters the floor. A nearby plate of curry also falls, splattering to the lab ground. Your knees wobble and you begin to fall.

"You all right?" I ask, rushing to your side, just to make sure you really are. The only other times you've collapsed is when your monophobia acted up.

"I'm fine," you say, and give my cheek a gentle stroke. A tingle of warmth is sent up my spine, but I still manage to smile and stare into your eyes. "I… love you, Kululu-san…" you whisper, before falling back into my arms in a faint.

I watch you breathe slowly, your chest slowly rising and falling. How couldn't I have known it sooner? But now it's a thing of the past. The present is all that matters right now, and I wish it could last forever. So this is what true happiness feels like.

"I love you, too…" I hug your body tightly. "…Mois."

* * *

**And _that's_ when Kululu takes the plunge into OOC-land. Congratulations, Kululu!**

**(Oh my Lord of Terror... ****why the frog is Kululu suddenly acting so sweet, anyway?)**

**I'm sorry, I'm rereading this crap and I don't even know what was going through my head when I wrote it.**

**And geez... did I seriously write something in this author note about Keroro freaking ****_child-abusing_**** Angol Mois?  
**

**When it gets into the realm of child-abuse, you know that she's turned Mary Sue.  
(Though, on second thought, it IS Keroro... And her father DID lock her in that closet... So you kind of have to wonder.)**

**Hey! I'm not implying anything. I was just trying to fix-up this screwed up author's note.**

**...I think I just screwed it up even more.**

**Oh yeah, and Kululu probably didn't kill anyone during the army tank thingamabob. Just my little headcannon thingy.**


	11. I Feel Like We've Forgotten Someone

**How.**

**How did I ever manage to write something so... atrociously OOC?**

**Wow. I'm sorry for scarring you all. Anyway, here's the updated ch 11, now with less OOCness. From Kululu. Mostly Kululu.**

**Screw sweet Kululu, that's not his personality at all! Honestly, I don't know WHERE I got that idea... Was I just Mary-Sue-ing him to my own appeal? No, that wasn't it. Was I trying to base him off myself? No, I'm anything but sweet. So... what was it?**

**HOW did he ever become so OOC...?**

* * *

It had only been half a week since the incident between Kululu and Hapipi, and Kululu was already looking back on the horror of it all. He felt so… weak. So pathetic. He had lowered himself so far down already—faking a relationship, kissing her in front of others, letting someone less than him try to hurt him, then confessing his love—and it was all for the same silly reason. For a girl.

_Why do I keep doing stupid things?_ he wondered, the question throttling him. _There must be an answer…._

**(Uh… because you're being out-of-character?)**

"Verrry funny," said Kululu with a furrowed brow, though he didn't quite understand what the narrator had meant by that. "Wait—when did you get here?"

**(My eyes are everywhere!)**

Kululu picked up a broom and shoved it at the narrator, shooing him away.

After the narrator's departure, and after disposing the broom which Kululu had no idea was in his lab in the first place, the yellow frog returned to moping at his work desk about how crazy the whole situation was turning out to be, drowning himself in self-pity, and deliberately making himself miserable so he could procrastinate on the things he was supposed to be doing, like working on his inventions for the next failure-of-an-invasion plan or something.

**(Procrastination is bad, kids.)**

You tell 'em, narrator!

He let out a sigh and slumped against the desk. It was hopeless. His mind was completely clouded with other thoughts. When would Hapipi be returning from wherever she was at the moment? Would his desire to procrastinate ever leave him? Why was Dororo running around the whole week thinking that Kululu was supposed to be _dead_ or something? And why, even though Kululu and Hapipi had practically _confessed their freaking love for each other_, was Hapipi still pretending like the whole thing never happened?

_Well, that's Mois-chan in a nutshell,_ thought Kululu bitterly.

The lab door slid open and Hapipi entered in, where she walked up to Kululu at his desk and he sat up at her arrival. "Oh, back already from wherever you were?" he asked. "I wasn't expecting you to return so soon." _Even though I had been hoping that you would. But I hadn't. And it's not important, so forget it._

"Uh-huh." She glanced at Kululu's work desk, at his sort-of invention that he had begun. The blueprints had been tossed off to the side and gears and wires were strewn all over the place. She suppressed a giggle at how hopeless he was. "You could say, lots of progress?" Her cheek twitched, and Kululu gave an indifferent shrug.

"Don't try when you know you can't," he told her. "We're alone right now. Nobody would hear if you… you know… talk like you normally did."

Hapipi let out the breath she'd been holding in. Talking normally was _so_ hard; she wasn't sure how longer she could've lasted.

"Speaking of talking," said Kululu, resting his arm against the edge of his work desk, "we need to have a talk."

"Here?"

"Here. And now." She could tell that, by the way he was looking sternly at her, it was probably important, unlike what they usually talked about, which normally consisted of quantum physics and what would happen to cockroaches if they were thrown into the air with a string of dynamite tied around their bodies.

"Okay then." Hapipi sat down on her invisible chair, the best choice of seating material, and faced Kululu, looking as serious as she could. Which wasn't very serious.

Kululu wasn't one to stall, well, he was, but now wasn't the time. So he cut right to the chase. "This thing we're doing. We need to sort it out."

"What thing we're doing? There's, like, nothing wrong with sitting on invisible chairs."

"No, I—" Kululu's hand went to his face and he shook his head. "Our relationship. Or the one we're pretending to have. I think we should talk it over."

Hapipi looked a bit uncomfortable. "This 'talk' isn't, like, going to be a thousand-word-long cheesy detailed hunk of filler, is it? We don't have time for that kind of stuff."

"It's—What are you talking about, Mois-chan?" said Kululu in puzzlement. She just shrugged. "Anyway. It's important." He took in a breath, not quite knowing where to start. "…D-do you, er, do you… remember… that… thing… half a week ago?"

"What thing? You mean the thing where we put dynamite on a cockroach?" she asked.

Kululu rolled his eyes. "No, I meant that _other_ thing. You know. The thing where you tried to kill me?"

Hapipi thought for a moment, then responded, "That's so silly, Kululu. Why would I ever try to kill you? What do you take me for, a homicidal maniac?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

With her most winning smile, Hapipi said to Kululu, "That's just weird. You could say, totally impossible?"

_This girl seriously doesn't remember what happened half a week ago,_ thought Kululu in disbelief. _She's totally crazy. …Well, I am too, but not in the same way._

Kululu explained to her the events that happened that day, to which Hapipi still couldn't seem to recall. All she could remember were those five words at the end that stuck with her even when she "woke up."

"I'd thought that was just a dream…" she muttered, fingers to her temple, or whatever it was for Keronians.

"It… wasn't." Kululu bit his lip. He couldn't believe how awkward this was. In fact, he'd probably go to say it was the most awkward moment of his life.

"Well, all's well that ends well!" said Hapipi.

He shot his head toward her. "What? That's all you had to say, after doing questionable things, and getting… questionable reactions… from me?"

"Yup!" She sat on her hands, swinging her legs in the air underneath her. "You were so sweet that day, Kululu. I can't ever remember a time before that where you ever told me that you loved me."

He felt the heat instantly go to his cheeks. This girl… she was never going to forget his words. Even on his deathbed, she'd be reminding him of them. There was no escaping.

"Uh… would it change your opinion at all if I said it wasn't true?" he asked hopefully.

But she just smiled and said, "Like, nope!"

Kululu thwonked his head against the desk. There it was. Hopelessness in a can; get it now for 50% off, with extra awkward in your delivery.

"Do you really love me, Kululu?"

He was so absorbed in his thoughts about how horrible things were going to be from now on that he hadn't quite registered what she said. It was probably because of this that he dismissively said, "Yeah, whatever."

A few seconds passed and he sat up again. "Wait—say that again?"

Angol Mois giggled. "You're so silly. Do you really love me?"

"H-HELL NO. WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT?!" he demanded.

"Um… because you said so?" she said, almost like a question.

Never, ever, not in a million years and five days, not if he'd been offered Pekopon's entire economy, not if he'd been granted with the power to bring back the dead, would he ever confirm this.

Of course, Kululu wasn't that stupid, and he knew that if he said yes, he'd get something a lot better anyway.

"Yeah. So maybe I said some things. What's it to you?" he asked.

"Hmmm… probably the equivalent of what Pekoponians value as a million revolutions around the sun, their planet's economy, and the power to bring back the dead," she answered, after considering it.

"Oh… um…."

"But did you mean it?"

Again, Kululu had no answer. Honestly, when he said it he didn't think she'd been listening. It was kind of one of those things when a girl collapses into your arms, unconscious, and you just _have_ to use the precious opportunity to say something embarrassing that will probably follow you the rest of your life.

He was regretting it already.

"You know what? It doesn't matter." Kululu began urging her out of her invisible chair. "Why don't you just run along to go… I don't know, blow up planets or something, and _I_—"

She pushed his hands off of her. "No! Kululu, why do you keep trying to, like, avoid the question?"

"Because of oranges."

"That makes no sense!" she reasoned. "If you keep doing this, though, I _will_ make it make sense!"

"Well, someone's in a nasty mood," Kululu muttered sardonically, crossing his arms. "It's not like it matters to you anyway, Miss I'm-in-love-with-the-incompetent-captain."

If he hadn't known better, he would have thought that for a brief moment Hapipi even looked to be fuming a little. But whatever that feeling was, it died down. "K-kululu…." She sighed. "I'm not."

"What? Well gee, that's a surprise. Ku ku ku. I _totally_ didn't see that one coming," he said, irritated.

"Whaaat? How did you like know?" She put a finger to her cheek. "You could say, oblivious?"

"Darn right. You were the oblivious one." He spun his chair toward her. "Don't you think I didn't already know? I'm not stupid. The feelings you have for him are too fake anyway. Too forced…. You always saw him as just someone he could have been, right? He's not who you love. He's the only one you were close to, and so you forced your fantasy upon him of thinking that he was some prince charming to save you from… whatever it was I read in those disturbing files."

Hapipi's gaze dripped down, and she let out a sigh. She never expected Kululu to be so certain of—

"You don't love the Captain. You love me. Everybody does."

Mood.

Breaker.

"What?!" she said. "Kululu, that's selfish!"

"Yeah, duh," he said, using his leg to make his chair spin as he leaned against it. "What can I say? I'm a selfish person."

"…But I do like you."

"I can't think of any other—" He stopped spinning. "…What?"

She blushed and bit her lip. "I… I think I like you."

Kululu rolled his eyes. "Yuck. No. No, you don't." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Look, I get it that you're over the Captain. But don't go forcing your… fantasies on _me_ now, 'kay?"

"…Why do you think I would do that for you?"

"Because it's really really hard to like someone like me," he explained to her.

"No it isn't," she said to him, with an air of innocence about her—the very thing that Kululu most dreaded. When she smiled at him, his heart melted. Much like how it would feel to be an ice cube in 100-degree weather. And it hurt. "It isn't hard to like you at all, Kululu. I do it all the time. And maybe you should, too."

Kululu twitched. "P-please leave my lab. Leave it now."

"No. I'm not going to leave it." She took his hands in hers. "Kululu, you never told me why you agreed to pretending to date me. Will you tell me now?"

"No…." He tried to be firm with the answer, but he could feel his voice shaking.

"It's all right. You don't need to." Hapipi leaned forward and kissed him. "I already know."

* * *

Giroro was polishing a weapon in the backyard, as he did always. Kululu and Hapipi just couldn't seem to leave his mind. Even though he'd rather not think about it, thoughts were thoughts, and they couldn't be helped.

"But who is she…? Where did she come from?" he heard himself muttering. Giroro ran the swathe of cloth along the top of his gun and gazed up at the sky.

"Look within yourself and you will find the answer…" said an ominous voice. Curiously, it resembled Tamama. Giroro jumped from his seat in surprise, and right next to him was the Private. Who would've thought.

"Tamama? How did you get here?" said Giroro, still startled. _He couldn't have caught me off-guard, could he have? I'm a soldier from Keron! Grr…. This Pekopon truly is making me soft._

Tamama shrugged. "I don't really remember, it just kind of happened. I think I went through that gate…."

"Well, duh. You didn't fall from the sky," said Giroro, rolling his eyes. He sat back down, then inched away, still too traumatized by how he lost his second kiss to be able to trust Tamama in his personal space. "Hey—you know Hapipi?"

"Yeah, unfortunately."

"There's something really odd about her…. I dunno, like she's artificial or something. Any clue as to why?"

Tamama shrugged, trying to be discreet. What Giroro didn't know couldn't hurt him. Not like it would've anyway, but….

"I mean, just the other day, I caught Kululu in her making out somewhere in that labyrinth of a base," he told him.

Tamama sucked in his breath, his lips pealing in a grin. Suddenly he burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny?" Giroro glared at him. "It was horrifying! I had to _witness _Kululu _making out_ with someone! Don't you know just how wrong that is?!"

Once more, Tamama laughed. "You don't get it, do you?" he giggled. But the fact was, Giroro didn't. Tamama stopped laughing, now feeling sad and lonely. He was the only one who knew who Hapipi really was. There was no one he could share this splendid knowledge with. He started laughing again. _Pphft, but what's even MORE funny is that the Sergeant Major actually likes her! Or maybe it's just some master plot to creep us all out…. But oh well. It's still funny!_

Giroro sighed in irritation. "Ugh. You clearly can't see how horrifying this situation is. I'm leaving." He stood up to leave. Tamama watched as the Corporal paused, realizing that he _couldn't_ leave, because there was no where else he could go.

* * *

Kululu was in a dilemma.

_What did I just agree to?_ he asked himself, Hapipi still clinging to his arm. _No, I didn't agree. She FORCED me into this._

"No," he said out loud and for no reason, shrugging Hapipi off his arm. She looked disappointed. "We're not going to do this. I changed my mind. We can't date. Not for real, at least."

"Huh? I never said anything about not pretending any longer," she said, knitting her nonexistent eyebrows.

Kululu was silent for a moment. "Yyyes, well, it was getting to that. And don't you forget about your brother… remember?"

"I…"

"You won't be able to stay as a Keronian forever, you know. You'll have to destroy planets eventually," he told her. "And when you do, they'll find you out."

"B-but they're not going to remember me, anyway!" she said. "I may as well just stay here like this…."

Meanwhile, Dororo calmly sipped some tea and thought to himself, _Fancy that. I feel as if I am forgetting someone._

"No. They'll find you out, and they'll do it soon," he told her.

"W-well…" said Hapipi, "can't we enjoy it while it lasts…?"

Kululu opened his mouth to speak against both this and himself, but she was doing it again. The eye thing. He was never a fan of puppies, and usually thought their faces were rather ugly. But this, this face…. No… _I will never give in,_ he told himself.

"Tch. Whatever. Do what you want," he answered, sounding uncaring. Hapipi glomped him. "Well, I'm done in the lab. Not like I was doing anything anyway. Want to leave?"

"Okay," said Hapipi.

They left the lab and took the fridge to Keroro's bedroom. Keroro was currently there, laying on his stomach and reading comics. Hapipi sucked in her breath, not daring to make a sound. Kululu and her crept silently around him so as not to be seen.

"STUPID FROG!"

Any effort to not be seen that was made was for naught as Natsumi started shouting through the house. At once, his green head perked up, darting from side to side, and he laid eyes on Hapipi and Kululu sneaking out of his room.

"Gerooo! Oh, Hapipi! So nice to see you here! With… Kululu. Oh. I KNEW Dororo was wrong." His eyes drifted to the one next to her. "Darn that Natsumi-dono… what could it be _this_ time?" he mumbled to himself.

"STUPID FROG!"

Her voice was louder now, and closer. The door to Keroro's room banged open as Natsumi broke through, looking horribly angry.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she demanded, shoving a soaking shirt into his face.

"Ummm… I don't know, what?" he asked.

"This," she growled, "is a wet shirt! Because _somebody_ wasn't doing his chores like he was supposed to! And because of him, he didn't take the laundry out while it was raining!"

"I—I didn't mean to, I swear!" he tried to defend. "I thought I told Mois-dono to do them; you know, I _trained_ her on command, but—" He froze at Natsumi's glare. "Hahaha. Whoops, did I say I told Mois-dono to do them? I meant, I, uh… I _didn't_ tell her to do them. Yeah."

"Oh, REALLY?" said Natsumi, quite angry. "PLEASE, tell me MORE about how you make Mois-chan do your chores for you."

"Gero? Really? Aw, it's not that hard of a trick, if I do say so myself," said Keroro bashfully.

"I'm waiting."

"Okay, it's easy. All I have to do is shout, 'Mois-dono! Do my chores for me!' and no matter what, no matter where she is, she _always_—Hey, Hapipi, why are you shivering? Is it cold or something?"

Hapipi trembled, struggling against herself and the actions she'd learned to do at such a phrase. Kululu took her hand to pull her out of the room, but she instead smiled up at him, resulting in the two of them leaving anyway. Any more smiling into his eyes and Hapipi wouldn't be the only one to be shivering.

"Well, stupid frog." Natsumi watched the door shut behind him, then threw a death-glare at him. "That's an interesting little story you have there."

Just then, Keroro realized what he'd done. His pupils disappeared in fear of what was to come. "GEROOOOOOOOOOOO—!"

After about half an hour of his punishment (as well as Natsumi's stress-relief)—in other words, getting beaten up for thirty minutes straight—she finally left his room with another of her "You'd better have learned your lesson!"s. She left Keroro rubbing his sore back as he stared up at the door.

"Arg… darn that Natsumi-dono. …But I wonder why Mois-dono didn't do my chores. Hey…." He furrowed his brow. "…Where _is_ Mois-dono?"

* * *

**Well, there's your updated chapter. Tell me—Was it better or worse than the original? And also, any suggestions on how to keep both Angol Mois AND Kululu in-character? I'm having problems. Serious ones.**


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